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Best of the Rest:
Television in 2003...
Best Dysfunctional Family: "Malcolm in the Middle"
"Malcolm in the Middle" proves that dysfunction is workable, as Malcolm and his family go through their ups and downs without killing each other, although they've come close. It's definitely one of the funniest and most down-to-earth shows around.Best Medical Show: "Scrubs"
Tired of "ER"? Then tune to NBC's "Scrubs," a half hour dramedy about three med students who have to get through rotation, cranky doctors, and a peculiar janitor in order to earn their medical degrees. Funny, and sometimes poignant, this show has all the medical jargon of "ER" without the tired whining of Abby or the self-deprecation of Carter. Sarah Chalke, our own homegrown, plays med student Elliott Reid and gets to show off her comedic timing.Best Untimely End: "Coupling"
You just know that "Coupling," NBC's answer to the conclusion of "Friends," is not going to last. First there was the hype, and lots of it. Touted as the "next 'Friends,'" only with less funny and more sex, "Coupling" was based on a highly successful British sitcom. But, if the other sitcoms based on British comedies (which, as of today, are nil) are any indication, NBC is seriously beating a dead (albeit sexy!) horse. Second, there was the cast change, which usually indicates that the show was not well received by test audiences. And third, there was the hiatus, which usually means that the network is using the show as filler until something better comes along. Say so long, "Coupling"! So sorry you can't stay.Best Way to Prove That You're Six Years Old: Letterman vs. Oprah
Years ago, David Letterman hosted the Oscars and made a particularly unfunny joke regarding Uma Thurman and Oprah Winfrey's names. Then, the calls started. Letterman wanted to be on the Oprah show, but got the runaround from her people. It was such a mission that it became a weekly staple on his show. And then he invited Oprah to come to his late night talk show. Oprah declined, and publicly stated that she didn't like appearing on his show because he made fun of her (and possibly pulled her hair). And then she graciously offered to let him come on her show, but the invitation has yet to be accepted (and he adamantly denies that an offer was made - perhaps because that would mean the joke could finally be put to rest, and we wouldn't want that). Please, save these antics for the playground, not for national television.Weirdest Dating Show: "Cupid"
From the man that brought you "American Idol" comes "Cupid," a dating show that was a strange hybrid of "Survivor" and "American Idol." A woman was hand selected among thousands of hopefuls, and then went on a series of dates with a series of creepy men. A panel of judges, i.e. her friend, hairdresser, grandmother, gardener, or whoever was available, critiqued her dates and the men behind them. Then the woman was required to eliminate one gentleman per week, until her "Prince Charming" was left standing. Yes, this is what dating has been reduced to. And let's not talk about that new Fox reality show where the woman has to trick her family into believing that she's marrying a fat, obnoxious slob, as my brain cells have suffered enough.Worst Couple's Therapy: "Temptation Island"
After a two-year hiatus (in which they moved to Australia or Britain or some island), Fox decided to bring back Temptation Island. And what a temptation it was! Four couples settled in for what would quickly become the worst way to fix their problems - they were apart and surrounded by a bunch of tanned, buff, (siliconed), and horny singles who made it their life mission to steal their boy/girlfriends. Couples wavered, tears were shed, and in the end, everyone stopped making sense and began babbling incoherent things about "connections," "soul mates," and "destiny" (although the jury is still out on whether they really know what those things mean). If you really want your relationship to work, Temptation Island is not the way to go.Worst Follow-Up to a Reality Show: Trista's Wedding
Trista and Ryan, of "The Bachelorette" fame, have agreed to televise their marriage. Do we really need to see an hour of Trista exclaiming over anything pink? Do we really need to see Ryan start crying and burst into spontaneous bad poetry to know that it happened? Time better spent would be watching CBS's Friday night line-up instead of this.Worst Match: Rachel and Joey
Do you remember where you were when NBC announced its last season of "Friends"? One of the most beloved sitcoms is ending its run in 2004, and so they've pulled out all the stops, including continuity. Were you confused when they tried to pair up Rachel and Joey, and then inexplicably dropped the storyline in favour of a Rachel and Ross hook-up? Were you scratching your head when they decided to put Rachel and Joey together again, only to have them realize that their relationship couldn't work, thus leaving a Rachel and Ross pairing wide open again? Were you rolling your eyes when Ross' new girlfriend (played by Aisha Tyler of "The Fifth Wheel" Fame) dumped him within the last two minutes of the show for Greg Kinnear, thus leaving Ross free to roam back to Rachel? It's obvious that viewers are Rachel/Ross fans, not Rachel/Joey supporters. So quit with the teasing because it's really, really annoying.Worst Promotion for a Show: "The Simple Life"
Also known as show to watch if you want to lose the most amount of brain cells in the least amount of time. Weeks before "The Simple Life" was set to air, the infamous Paris Hilton tape started circulating on the Internet, thereby prompting her to call off all interviews and go into hiding. Her best friend and co-star, Nicole Richie (Lionel's daughter), followed suit when she was arrested on drug charges. The moral of the story: Don't ever agree to be on a Fox reality show, don't do drugs, and if you feel the urge to tape yourself having sex with someone, please tape over it with a re-run of "Friends" or something.Worst Reality Show Judging: "Canadian Idol"
There's something to be said for Simon Cowell, the mastermind behind "American Idol" and one of the meanest people on television (aside from, say, Judge Judy). Everyone hated him, but that was the point. No one was tuning in to see Carmen sing, they were tuning in to see how many times Simon could insult her during his commentary. And then you've got Canada's answer to Simon in "Canadian Idol" - Zack Werner, who is unapologetically harsh and yet annoyingly so (but didn't make as many people cry, although he did try). And Sass Jordan, who drooled over every young guy that crossed her path, was a formidable opponent to Paula Abdul, only not as entertaining to watch. And Farley Flex, who tried to be nice while being honest, equaled the talents of Randy Jackson. Which leaves Jake Gold…who the heck is Jake Gold but an extra player in their already-full team? ¤ C.Ho.