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Best of The Rest:
Music in 2004...
Best Feud: Eminem vs. Ray Benzino
Forget those teen queens going at it over bland, greasy-haired Aaron Carter. Eminem is still angry, and he's never dated Carter. The first on the chopping block this year was Ray Benzino, MC and editor of The Source. The trouble began when Benzino accused Eminem of being racist and putting out a mysterious track in which Eminem is said to have made derogatory remarks. In "Toy Soldiers," Eminem makes reference to this feud, as well as publicly saying that he wants to put it all behind him. In a recent December 2004 article, All Hip Hop News reported that Benzino said of the feud: "It's all good. Time moves on, but if Eminem said that [the feud should end], I can only embrace that because he's a huge influence out there on the machine." What machine? Anyway, it is safe to say that Benzino probably realized that messing with one of hip-hop's most influential men, and a subsequent ban from Eminem's backer (Interscope, who have boycotted advertising his hip-hop based magazine) would only lead to his demise. Smart move, Benzino.Best Retrospective Video: "Eight Easy Steps," Alanis Morissette
Although Alanis Morissette's album sales have waned over the past years, it can be said that her creative music videos more than make up for that fact. Plus, she's looking way more girly than she has in the past decade (perhaps having a Canadian boyfriend does that to you; the same can be said of Avril Lavigne). For her last video released in 2004, Miss Morissette has opted to film "Eight Easy Steps" as her own personal photo album. From the live footage of "You Live, You Learn," to the car scene in "Ironic," to the nude Alanis in "Hand In My Pocket," the music video is a compilation of videos past (in backward chronological order), with CGI-ed mouth movements that, on first glance, look pretty real. And the kicker: when Alanis includes "Too Hot," her 1991 single in where she sports the biggest hair you've ever seen, you can tell that she's really come to terms with her past.Most Confusing Lyrics: "Somebody Told Me," The Killers
The Killers made a splash in 2004, but their first single, "Somebody Told Me," is a lesson in how to write the most confusing chorus, ever. As we all know, the infamous "Well, somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend, that I had in February of last year" is not exactly far from the crazy rantings of the Chesire Cat in Alice of Wonderland. So his girlfriend looked like a man? Her boyfriend looked like a woman? Are they dating the same person, who happens to have gone through a sex change? So many questions, so little time to pop those Advils.Most Humorous and Yet Depressing Lyrics: "1985," Bowling for Soup
Bowling for Soup released their fourth album, A Hangover You Don't Deserve (don't I know it), and garnered a top ten hit with their tongue-in-cheek single, "1985." The catchy song talks about a woman named Debbie who still reminisces about 1985, despite the obvious implication that it's no longer 1985. When lead singer Jaret von Erich wonders, "when did Motley Crue become classic rock? And when did Ozzy become an actor?" you feel the humour coming through. So why is this song depressing? Although she is, as her children protest, "uncool," you can't help but feel, as Debbie does, that sometimes time does pass you by before you know it. Kudos for the band containing members who are over 25, and therefore can remember what 1985 was actually like.Most Ironic Song Title: "Rich Girl"
Gwen Stefani is not only a solo artist, but is also married to Bush frontman Gavin Rossdale (who has an illegitimate daughter - at least we know that he's still doing something), and is currently co-starring in The Aviator. So when she released Diarrhea. Diapers. Trees. Cats. (okay, so it's called Love. Angel. Music. Baby.) and included a song called "Rich Girl" on it, in which she sings, "See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl, no man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end, 'cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl," it's not exactly a stretch from all the barrels of money she currently sits on. Please Gwen, stick to calling people stupid hos and leave this self-deprecating stuff for someone who isn't you.Most Overuse of Car References: "The Getaway," HIlary Duff
Squeaky-clean actress/pop singer Hilary Duff has released an album this year, just in time to battle it out with Ashlee Simpson, Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, and her arch nemesis, Lindsay Lohan (or, as I like to call them, "The Terrible Five," which would make for a pretty cool villain on "24"). As if this assault on our senses weren't enough, Duff is also touring. That means she could soon be in your town, brainwashing your children with her dull music and vacant stare. In "The Getaway," Duff makes reference to driving and car parts 34 times. By the time Duff gets to her "spoken" portion of the song, which sounds a little like this: "It's so hard to move on, 'cause every time I think you're gone, you show up in my rear view mirror," it's really hard to keep a straight face. Was she employed by Nascar or something? We. Get. It. Getaway = "driving" away from a bad love = horrible writing.Most Repetitive Lyrics: "Over and Over," Nelly and Tim McGraw
As Nelly and Tim McGraw's "Over and Over" continues to make waves on music charts, it's worth mentioning that this song uses a whopping seventeen "over and over"s throughout. And while that may not seem like a lot, just remember that chances are that, when you turn on the radio and hear this song, you will hear Nelly's attempted wailings at least five times. Also known as one of the coolest collaborations of this year that, unfortunately, didn't make for the coolest song.Worst Song Title: "(Shake It Like A) Salt Shaker," Ying Yang Twins
Has got to go to Snoop Dogg and Pharrell's "Drop It Like It's Hot," also known as Most Obvious Song Title. Hip hop titles have generally been "tell 'em as it is," but this one, with maybe the exception of "(Shake It Like A) Salt Shaker," takes the cake in the "duh" department. What's next, "Grind It Like A Pepper Grinder"? "Dip It Like It's Sauce"? "Shovel Like It's Winter"? And this isn't an invitation for R. Kelly to have these titles on his next album.Worst Way to Rip Off Someone's Clothes on National Television: Wardrobe Malfunctions
It goes without saying that the "wardrobe malfunctions" and the subsequent plastering of Janet Jackson's breast on the internet has garnered a lot of attention. Poor Jackson became a social pariah almost overnight, being banned from the Grammys (while Justin "I Like to Rip Women's Clothes Off at the Superbowl Half Time Show and Then Pretend That I Wasn't Even There" Timberlake walked home with a statuette) and then being forced to issue a public apology to the five people out there who fainted at the sight of her exposed breast. Luckily, the incident only took about fifteen months to die down, and then Jackson went back to…doing whatever she did before the incident, which most certainly did not include topping the charts in any way.Worst Way to Pretend You Weren't Lipsynching: Ashlee Simpson
One of the biggest music scandals this year came courtesy of Ashlee Simpson, the young ingénue who tried so hard to not be her older, sexier, blonder big sister that she suddenly forgot how to dress and maintain her hair. The incident in question was the infamous "Saturday Night Live" blunder, where Simpson, set to do her second song of the night, accidentally cued "Pieces of Me" on her backing track, although she had already sung the song in her first set. Even though Simpson seems to have at least 100 I.Q. points on her sister, her slacked-jaw surprise (although the first ten chords of the introduction should have been ample proof that the wrong song was on) and little jig did nothing to lessen the blunder. At the end of the night, Simpson stood beside sexy host Jude Law and issued an "apology," if by apology you mean blaming your band - who, unlike some over-their-head starlets, didn't run off the stage like a little baby. By the next day, Simpson's site was bombarded by angry posters who called her a fraud, and acid reflux was forever etched in our memories. This, of course, sparked a whole debate about using backing tracks, which - let's be realistic - many people do use (or in the case of Ashanti, should use). If you caught the episode of "Oprah" where Destiny's Child was performing, you'll know what I mean. With celebrities making so much money off of their "talents," is it right to let studio tracks do most of the work? The difference between Ashlee and Destiny's Child is that, while they both use backing tracks (and let's face it, look kind of awkward when dancing), Destiny's Child has been smart enough to cue the right song at the right time. ¤ C.Ho.