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Winter Movie Preview:
Movies you shouldn't see...
Torque
Release: January 16
Directed by: Joseph Kahn (music video director - this marks his debut)
Starring: Ice Cube, Martin Henderson, Monet Mazur, Will Yun Lee, Jay Hernandez
Plot: Uh oh. Cary Ford (Henderson) has just been framed for the murder of Sleepy D, a member of a notorious bike gang. Now Cary and his friends must run for their lives as Sleepy D's brother, Trey Wallace (played by Cube), and the FBI, are hot on their trails.
Extras: This is the fourth movie about racing that rapper turned actor Ice Cube has attached himself to, and the first one that's been made. You can also catch Ice Cube next month as he reprises his role in Barbershop 2.
Why You Should Skip It: Music videos just don't translate on the big screen, and this just seems like a glorified music video. Even the movie poster looks like a still from a music video. Where's the smoke machine? Unless you're into bikes, stay at home and read a book.
Post-Release Verdict: Not to toot my own horn, but it seems I wasn't the only one who stayed away. See DVD details here.The Butterfly Effect
Pensive Kutcher is not as good as Demi's play-toy Kutcher.
Release: January 23
Directed by: Eric Bress and J. Mackye Gruber (debut)
Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Amy Smart, Elden Henson, Eric Stoltz, Ethan Suplee
Plot: A young man (Kutcher) discovers that he can travel back in time to inhabit his childhood body. The problem is, every time he goes back he changes the course of the future, oftentimes for the worse. Will he be able to right everything before it's too late?
Extras: What is the butterfly effect? As one site puts it: "The "Butterfly Effect" is the propensity of a system to be sensitive to initial conditions. Such systems over time become unpredictable. This idea gave rise to the notion of a butterfly flapping its wings in one area of the world, causing a tornado or some such weather event to occur in another remote area of the world."
Why You Should Skip It: Originally, Joshua Jackson and Ali Larter were signed on to play the leads, but dropped out because of conflicting schedules. See, even though Jackson is better known for his crappy The Skulls series and as Pacey on "Dawson's Creek," I'd rather see him in this movie than Ashton Kutcher. Who told Kutcher that he could act anyway? Avoid this one and rent Run Lola Run instead.
Post-Release Verdict: I begrudingly admit that I've heard good things about this film from those that have seen it. Who would've thought Ashton would turn out to be able to act? Certainly not My Boss' Daughter and Guess Who?. Also, the movie DVD offers alternate endings, which are always fun. See DVD details here.Mindhunters
Release: January 23
Directed by: Renny Harlin (The Long Kiss Goodnight, Die Hard 2, Cliffhanger)
Starring: Val Kilmer, LL Cool J, Christian Slater, Eion Bailey, Clifton Collins, Jr.
Plot: Seven FBI trainees go to a remote island to train for the "Mindhunter" program, an intensive training course for psychological profilers. As this is a remote island, there is bound to be at least one nutso in their group, who sets out to methodically kill them off one by one.
Extras: This movie was previously scheduled for release in April 2003.
Why You Should Skip It: April 2003 was a while ago (I do believe that's when we put out our last issue...kidding, of course), so there's some suspicion as to why the studio would push it back so far. And Christian Slater? We haven't seen that dude since 1985.
Post-Release Verdict: The film has been pushed back so many times and has had such limited coverage that it came and went without much fuss. In fact, it probably played in limited release (I don't remember the film being screened in Toronto, although I could be wrong), and scattered throughout North America. Since I've already read the spoiler about a year ago, it's safe to say that the premise is interesting, the goriness there, but the ending needs work. Also, Christian Slater is not the star of this vehicle, so you can guess his fate. See DVD details here.The Perfect Score
Release: January 30
Directed by: Brian Robbins (Varsity Blues, Hardball, Good Burger)
Starring: Scarlett Johanson, Erika Christensen, Chris Evans, Darius Miles, Leonardo Nam
Plot: Seven high school seniors decide to make the perfect score by breaking into the Princeton Testing Centre and stealing the answers to their upcoming SATs. See, the effort they spend on this heist would be better spent on, you know, actually studying and not going to jail.
Extras: This movie was filmed in Vancouver and wrapped up in late September 2002.
Why You Should Skip It: See comments under Plot.
Post-Release Verdict: I still have no desire to see this film, and I've watched A Cinderella Story, so that says a lot. See DVD details here.You Got Served!
You got served! A pile of crap.
Release: January 30
Directed by: Christopher B. Stokes (House Party 4)
Starring: Marques Houston, Omarion, J-Boog, Lil Fizz, Raz-B, Steve Harvey
Plot: David (Omarion) and Elgin (Houston) want to open up their own dance and recording studio, but first they must face off against another group of break dancers in a no-holds barred, bare it to the bone, I've-got-what-it-takes-yo! dance competition because...well, because they've got to make it look like they actually tried for this movie.
Extras: Marques Houston is a member of IMx, while Omarion, Raz-B, Lil Fizz and J-Boog (who are all appearing) go by B2K.
Why You Should Skip It: B2K. B2K. And B2K.
Post-Release Verdict: Why you should skip it: B2K. B2K. And Marques Houston. Who I just realized is not Omarion. You Got Served! was nominated for the prestigious Best Dance Sequence at the MTV Movie Awards (and was beat out by Sean William Scott in American Pie 3). Better luck next time, B2K. See DVD details here.Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights
Dirty Dancing for the next generation...?
Release: February 27
Directed by: Guy Ferland (The Babysitter)
Starring: Romola Garai, Diego Luna, Mika Boorem, Jonathan Jackson, January Jones
Plot: Set in 1958, shy and meek Katie (Garai) and her family move to Havana, where she meets a spirited and talented dancer (Luna). There's something about a dancing contest and falling in love, but to us, it's all just a sense of déjà vu.
Extras: This is not a sequel to the sleeper hit Dirty Dancing (which grossed over $150 million worldwide) but, rather, a remake. Patrick Swayze, who played Johnny Castle in the first movie, has a cameo.
Why You Should Skip It: If I wanted to see a rhythmless girl try to salsa, I'd just look in the mirror. But seriously, when I first saw the trailer waiting for Mona Lisa Smile to begin, half the audience laughed at the trailer, while the other half silently rolled their eyes. And they were all women - the target audience of this movie. So just curl up on the couch and rent the original.
Post-Release Verdict: I think I've read the spoiler for this one, but the details are hazy because it's just that type of movie - predictable, snore-inducing, and contrived. At first I thought Jonathan Jackson was Joshua Jackson and got excited, but alas, the similarly-named stars are not the same person; one makes movies like this, while the other prefers thrillers like Gossip and family friendly fare like Racing Stripes. Also, one I'd date, the other not so much. And no offence to the fans of the 1995 thriller The Babysitter, but this doesn't seem to be of much directorial calibre. See DVD details here.Twisted
Release: February 27
Directed by: Philip Kaufman (Quills, Invasion of the Body Snatchers)
Starring: Ashley Judd, Samuel L. Jackson, Andy Garcia, Mark Pellegrino, Russell Wong
Plot: Judd plays a young female officer who inexplicably finds herself in the middle of a crime investigation when her ex-lovers start dropping like flies. Jackson plays Judd's mentor, while Garcia is her fellow colleague and love interest.
Extras: Screenwriter Sarah Thorp is making her first major Hollywood movie debut, and received a cool $1 million for her script.
Why You Should Skip It: Ashley Judd used to be an A-lister, but now it seems that she's got a bad case of typecasting (Kiss The Girls and High Crimes comes to mind). What, Sandra Bullock wasn't available?
Post-Release Verdict: I was wrong, and Judd does play against type...somewhat. What I wasn't wrong about: you still should not see it. See DVD details here.Jersey Girl
Release: March 19
Directed by: Kevin Smith (Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, Dogma, Chasing Amy)
Starring: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, Liv Tyler, Raquel Castro, Jason Biggs
Plot: Music promoter Ollie (Affleck) meets book editor Gertrude (Lopez) at a Christmas party and instantly falls in love. They have a kid, yada-yada, Gertrude dies, yada-yada, and Ollie is left to raise his young daughter alone.
Extras: Reportedly based on director Smith's experiences as a new father. Lopez and Affleck, as you may remember (or choose not to), starred in last summer's Gigli, also directed by Smith.
Why You Should Skip It: They say that if you say "Gigli" five times in the mirror Bennifer comes out and makes you watch "Jenny From the Block" until your eyes bleed.
Post-Release Verdict: Now that Bennifer is no more, but Bennifer II is full in the works, seeing this film might be bearable. I think even Kevin Smith is a little embarassed of Gigli, so he needs all the support he can get to rise above it. Plus, we don't want to see him starving, do we? See DVD details here.
[ See what you should see. Part I of the article. ]