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Best of the Rest:
Movies of 2002...
Worst Ego: Will Smith
Will Smith declared, "In my mind, if Ronald Regan can become president, then why not Will Smith?" Well, for one, we're not sure that he's very qualified to run the country. Sure, he saved the world in Independence Day and got buff for Ali, but good president that does not make. I'll go out on a limb here and say that he's probably smarter than George W. Bush, and more committed to his wife than Bill Clinton. But still, humility is way too underrated. Memo to Will Smith: Your ego is sticking out of your ass, you might want to tuck it back in. Thank you.Worst Over-Hyped Movie: Star Wars Episode II
I recently saw Star Wars Episode II, and besides wanting to tear my eyes out, the movie did nothing for me. Before I get stoned to death, I will admit that I loved the original Star Wars trilogy, but was skeptical about the prequels. It's nice to see how everything originated, but the bad dialogue, cheesy acting, and overall feel of the movie does no justice to the original. The love story between Senator Padmé and young Anakin Skywalker is downright creepy - in the first installment he was just a little boy, and all of a sudden he's grown up and they're in love. He's more of a stalker than a Romeo, and when she said, "Stop looking at me like that," I wanted to scream, "Yes! Because you're creepy and you scare little children!"Worst Suspense/Thriller: Signs
I didn't see Signs, mainly because I don't particularly like Mel Gibson. I was a fan of M. Night Shyamalan pre-Unbreakable. The Sixth Sense was a great movie, but nothing else he's done can even compare. Never one to be unprepared, I perused the spoiler for Signs and, much to my dismay, found it worse than I thought it would be. M. Night Shyamalan is great at building suspense and setting up a story, but always falters with the ending, and Signs is no exception. For crying out loud, aliens that melt in water? (Don't hate me if I spoiled it for you - I've just saved you two hours of your life).Worst Misprint: Ben Affleck Is Sexy
Ben Affleck, Sexiest Man of the Year as chosen by People magazine? And who exactly runs People, Jennifer Lopez and Matt Damon? Ben may be cute, he may be likeable, he may be hygienic, but sexiest man he ain't. The folks over at People must have been out of Brad Pitt cover pictures.Best Movie Ho: Alex, 8 Mile
Brittany Murphy, as a crack-whore in 8 Mile, wowed audiences with her natural skankiness. She literally emanated Christina Aguilera dirrtiness as soon as she appeared on-screen. Her short-lived tryst with Eminem's character, and subsequent hoing around, proved that Brittany Murphy is an actress capable of multiple slut characteristics, as well as various bad dye jobs.Best Ensemble: Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers is kicking ass at the box office, and the cast has become one of the most celebrated since The Godfather series. Anyone familiar with J. R. R. Tolkien's epic tale about a boy and a mystical ring can attest that each character created by the famed author is central to the story. From Elijah Wood to Sean Astin to Viggo Mortensen to Ian McKellen, each actor brings an element to the movie that only Tolkien could envision when he penned the trilogy.Worst Over-Budgeted Movie: The Adventures of Pluto Nash
The Adventures of Pluto Nash, starring Eddie Murphy, cost a measly $100 million to make and grossed $4.4 million domestically. Now, my math isn't the greatest, but that's about $95 million short of breaking even. There was a time when Eddie Murphy was revered for his comedic talents and light, yet entertaining movies. Sadly, that time passed ten years ago.Worst Concept: Maid in Manhattan
So someone at Sony woke up one day and said, "You know, I could really go for a romantic comedy starring the likes of Jennifer Lopez." He brought forth the idea to his colleagues, who quickly patted him on the back for a quick, sure-fire hit. "Well, we can't do The Wedding Planner again," the executive reasoned. "Maybe she raise horses, and through the glaring metaphors of the scenery, falls in love with the cold and lonely widower of the ranch?" Someone pointed out that The Horse Whisperer had been done years ago. "Hmm, what would the public want to see Jennifer Lopez doing?" A young intern tentatively raised his hand. "How about a maid?" "Yes, I like it," the executive said. "She is just sassy enough to pull it off. And then we can rip off Pretty Woman and have a rich, handsome man buy her out of poverty." "Throw in a cute kid", someone said. "And other sassy maids," the janitor said as he cleared out the garbage can in the conference room. "And pretty dresses," someone else said. And thus, Maid in Manhattan was born.Best Villain: Christopher Lee as Count Dooku and Saruman
What would a good movie be without an arch nemesis that gets his just desserts at the end? This year, Christopher Lee does double duty as evil Count Dooku in Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones and as immoral Saruman in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. His turns as an evil lord intent on taking the good out of the galaxy, and as a fallen wizard intent on getting his finger around the ring, respectively, is simply too delicious a performance for words. If only all villains came as wicked, and captivating, as him.Worst Cameo: Britney Spears, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Britney Spears as a femme-bot in Austin Powers in Goldmember was a stroke of genius…or just foreshadowing what the public already suspected.Best Documentary: Bowling for Columbine
Bowling for Columbine, written and directed by political activist and documentary genius Michael Moore, takes a look at America's obsession behind guns. Moore, of Roger and Me fame (where he single-handedly took on a GM plant in Michigan, which had laid off thousands of workers) does it again with Bowling for Columbine. Using wit, humour, and a little satire, he fearlessly explores the repercussions that a gun-loving society wields. Watch it, watch it, watch it.Best Tearjerker: Far from Heaven
Most tragic love stories either have a terminally ill partner or a betrayal of some kind. It's the worst kind of emotional propaganda because we have no choice but to cry - as the lover chokes out one last goodbye or walks away, tears streaming down their face. Far from Heaven doesn't utilize any of these gimmicks, but it's still a tearjerker. Julianne Moore, as a housewife in the mid-1950's, comes to grips with her failing marriage and new friendship with Dennis Haysbert, a black gardener. It's love against all odds, and Moore's understated performance won't leave a dry eye in the house. ¤ C.Ho.Best-Dressed Duo: Brad Pitt and George Clooney, Ocean's Eleven
I'm not a big fan of George Clooney or Brad Pitt. They just don't do anything for me…well, until Ocean's Eleven came along. They look so sharp (don't laugh, Michelle) in their well-tailored attire. Drool. Check out the movie, even if it's just for the eye candy. ¤ Phan