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Best of the Rest:
Television in 2002...
Best Filler: "Andy Richter Controls the Universe"
"Andy Richter Controls the Universe" is one of the funniest shows to ever become a mid-season replacement. Ever since its debut last year, I've been laughing my ass off every…whichever day it comes on (psst: currently on Sundays at 9:30, FOX). (Psst: The show has since been cancelled to make room for such lovely shows as "American Dad" and "Nanny 911"). I loved Andy Richter as Conan O'Brien's sidekick, and I love him now that he stars in his own show. This man is funny, not Tom Green "idiot" funny or Adam Sandler "slapstick" funny or Trey Parker and Matt Stone "disturbed" funny. He's one of the most understated comedians out there, and his supporting cast is every bit as talented (for the exception of Irene Molloy, who is stiff and doesn't seem to have her timing down). Okay, so this isn't "Law & Order" or CNN, but half an hour of mindless entertainment never hurts.Worst Reality Show: "Cheaters"
"Cheaters" brings a whole new level of shmuck to our television screens every week. What's "Cheaters"? you say. Since it's a syndicated show, its time slot varies from station to station. I had the fortunate luck of catching it at 2:00 a.m. on a Saturday night (courtesy of FOX) - and if you wonder why I'm home watching shmuck, read my Dating Diary. "Private investigators" are contacted through the show by a suspicious lover, who believes his/her beloved is not living up to the name. Through grainy footage, the show surveys the "cheater," whether it's at a club, a restaurant, en route to a hotel room, or in the comforts of their own home. Later, the angry lover does the confrontation thing, which usually ends in a heated argument, and if you're lucky, a fistfight. Tommy Grand, the show's creepy host, serves no purpose either than to instigate a fight or falsely comfort a broken person in hopes of giving them the will to fight some more. A combination of exploitation and a natural propensity towards voyeurism makes this show a guilty pleasure that is just too icky for words.Worst Bachelor of the Year: Aaron Buerge
Aaron Buerge, the newest bachelor to hit the airwaves, was more hot air than a sauna full of hot air. Sure, he signed on to the show because he knew what would happen - twenty-five beautiful women were going to throw themselves at his feet and beg for his love. But did the women count on the bachelor being so creepily bland, so phony, and in certain angles, so horse-like? It didn't seem to matter to anyone, as Aaron got his fill of women and then methodologically dumped them. In the end, the big loser was not Aaron, ABC (who enjoyed tremendous ratings from this show) or even the dumpees, but the woman whom Aaron ultimately chose to wed.Best Ensemble: "CSI"
Who knew forensics could be so entertaining? Not since Mr. Wizard has a show intrigued us with its love for all things science. "CSI," in its sophomore year, has become a run-away hit, and even spawned its own spin-off, "CSI: Miami" (which loses points for having David Caruso star). The cast, headed by William Petersen (the original Will Graham, for all you Red Dragon fans), has charm, skill, and chemistry. Because of its focus on the cases, we don't get those confusing love triangles or unrequited yearnings. But the understated interactions between cast members has us wondering, week after week, who will hook up with whom and who should just have hot monkey-sex on the lab table. Bonus points for casting Gary Dourdan (who plays Warrick Brown), a fine specimen of eye candy.Worst Ad Campaign: Old Navy
Forget those Herbal Essences spots or various household product commercials where the women literally have orgasms over mopping a stinky, dirty floor (as if that could ever happen). It was the Old Navy commercials that really got under my skin. They started as "spoofs" of "The Brady Bunch" (The Old Navy Bunch, The Plaid Bunch? Who knows.) Then they got the losers, er, runner-up contestants, of "American Idol" to participate in a "Family Feud" knock-off. If I wanted to re-live RJ screwing up on air, I would just rather watch my old tapes of "American Idol."Best Comedy Couple: Jackie and Hyde, "That 70s Show"
Who doesn't love a mismatched couple? Sure, Donna and Eric are sweet, but Jackie and Hyde of "That 70's Show" are the best match because they're so different, which, of course, leaves room for countless comedic misunderstandings and arguments. She's whiny, he's stubborn and rude. And yet, unlike real life, it seems to work for them.Best Long-Running Show: "The Simpsons"
America's beloved family (before "The Osbournes") made us feel better about our own dysfunctions. Yes, I'm talking about "The Simpsons," which entered its fourteenth season this year (and is airing its 300th episode in January). Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie, and countless Springfield residents became household names, and the show keeps going strong. Okay, so the episodes are getting a little stale, but can you really imagine a life without "The Simpsons"? What a dark world this would become.Disgruntled Brit of the Year: Simon Cowell
What would "American Idol" have been without mastermind and puppet-master Simon Cowell? Well, we'd still have Paula Abdul's annoyingly sweet words of encouragement and Randy Jackson's bad jokes, but the show wouldn't have been a run-away hit, as it was this summer. Week after week, Simon offered Americans biting remarks and certain record-industry smarminess, the likes of which we've never seen before. While borderline sadistic, it was refreshing to see Simon tell off some of the more, er, less gifted singers.Worst Reality Show Contestant: Robb Zbacnik, "Survivor"
This season of "Survivor: Thailand," by far the most sleep-inducing season yet, brought us Robb Zbacnik (that's Robb with two "b"s). Another bartender with camera-ready looks and nothing else, Robb added little zest in this stale season until his timely ejection. He was rude, loud, and obnoxious, and although he was the youngest cast member in Thailand, it was sheer lack of oxygen to the brain, not immaturity, that probably prompted him to act in such an abhorrent manner. He bickered with other tribe members, he made fun of people behind their backs, he even choked a contestant from the rival team during a reward challenge. Then he found redemption and apologized for all his objectionable actions. And his tribe members still managed to vote him out right after the epiphany, ensuring, for at least another year, that a cocky bartender will never win the million.Worst Law-Related Show: "girls club"
David E. Kelley seemingly has the perfect life - he's married to Michelle Pfeiffer, he created and produced numerous hits on the boob tube, he probably sleeps in a bed full of cash every night - but then it all came crumbling down around him with the inception of "girls club." Lasting a mere two episodes, "girls club" was very much like a one-night stand - it seemed like a good idea at the time, but in the morning you're left wondering why you feel so cheap and if you possibly have VD. The characters had shiny hair and pretty clothes, they spouted cheesy one-liners and whined, "Me, me, me!" They pondered why it was so hard to work in a "man's world," then showed up to work in little skirts and tight blouses. Thankfully, we've been spared another "Ally McBeal" disaster, but for how long?Worst FOX Special: "Celebrity Bootcamp"
"When Animals Attack," "Bachelorettes in Alaska," "Celebrity Boxing." The FOX network has always been pushing the envelope of good taste. Then comes "Celebrity Bootcamp," clearly designed to see fallen "stars" get theirs in a serious of physically intense challenges. And get theirs they did. Vitamin C, David Faustino, Tiffany, the man who played Greg in "The Brady Bunch," to name a few (as I did not care about or recognize anyone else), got their asses kicked and thrown out of the camp. It came down to Coolio and some woman who's either appeared on "Baywatch" or "Playboy" (I was unclear about that, as I missed my issue of Maxim this month). I actually chuckled when Coolio got yelled at for falling asleep during a morning routine, but unfortunately, that was the only fun to be had. In an anti-climactic finale, Coolio won by one vote. That's the last thing Coolio's going to be winning for a long time.Best Interview: Divas Break Down
Take your pick, Mariah Carey unexposed or Whitney Houston sober. The divas, who are currently in the midst of their comebacks, did the publicity circuit thing to clear their names and get people to buy their records. Mariah's been low-key about everything, from her "Through the Rain" video to interviews denying her and Eminem were, er, amorous. Whitney, on the other hand, appeared (questionably clean) in interviews uttering words of wisdom like, "Crack is cheap. I make too much money to use crack. Crack is whack." You heard it here first, kids. Crack is whack.Worst New Comedy: "Life With Bonnie"
Has anyone even bothered to watch "Life With Bonnie"? I just don't get it. (Update: Finally, after two years, I wasn't the only one who didn't get it. "Life With Bonnie was cancelled on May 2004. Read why others didn't like it here.)Best Watercooler Show: "Sex and the City"
Will Carrie finally settle down, or will she be forever hung up on her past love, Mr. Big? (And you know, everyone has a Mr. Big.) Will Charlotte let herself go and become the vixen her superego's always been hiding? Will Miranda be able to handle motherhood and singlehood? Will Samantha have sex more than once in this episode? "Sex and the City" is not only great because of it's true-to-life portrayals of single women in the big city (except maybe for the amount of handsome, single bachelors they always seem to land), but it's great because every week the girls manage to entertain and spur discussions about Mars and Venus like no other show. It's also something your boyfriend wouldn't be embarrassed to watch with you. ¤ C.Ho.Honourable Mention: "Girlfriends"
Who do you turn to when you need to talk about your job, your man or sex? Yes, your "Girlfriends." I don't know about you, but this is becoming one of the shows that I just cannot miss. Not only does the cast have realistic personalities (which character are you: Joan, Mya, Lynne or Toni?), they also sport some of the hypest gear. I would kill to have Joan's clothes, or anyone of the characters for that matter. Mya, the professional woman with the ghetto roots, is my personal fave. She tells it like it is in a blunt sort of way [I like Joan because she's neurotic like me - Chris]. So if you want to watch a bunch of gals talking about their lives, check it out on Sundays at 6:30 PM (Omni 1, cable 47) or Mondays at 9:00 PM (UPN). ¤ Michelle