The Bizarro Celebrity Awards:
Not to be confused with the Oscars...



Celebrity Most Likely To…

…BE YOUR BEST FRIEND:

Michelle: Lauryn Hill
Christine: Michelle Branch
Phan: Reese Witherspoon
…BE YOUR WORST ENEMY:

Michelle: Jennifer Lopez.
When I see her, I will beat her down.
Christine: Shawn Desman
Phan: Renée Zellweger

…STEAL FROM YOUR WALLET:

Michelle: Da Brat
Christine: Snow
Phan: Winona Ryder
…BE A "ONE MINUTE" MAN:

Michelle: Jay-Z
Christine: Ja Rule
Phan: Ricky J

…STEAL YOUR BOYFRIEND:

Michelle: Jennifer Lopez
Christine: Julia Roberts
Phan: Catherine Zeta Jones
…LIE ABOUT HOW MANY PEOLE THEY'VE SLEPT WITH:

Michelle: Mariah Carey
Christine: Britney Spears
Phan: Brittany Murphy

…FAIL A MANDATORY DRUG TEST:

Michelle: Macy Gray
Christine: Brittany Murphy
Phan: Robert Downey Jr.
…THINK THEY ARE COOLER THAN THEY REALLY ARE:

Michelle: Snoop
Christine: Vin Diesel
Phan: P. Diddy

…TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU'RE SICK:

Michelle: Musiq
Christine: Maxwell.
Or at least he'll sing and make you feel better.
Phan: Oprah
…HIT ON UNDERAGE WOMEN:

Michelle: Brian McKnight
Christine: Russell Crowe
Phan: R. Kelly

…STUFF THEIR PANTS:

Michelle: Ginuwine
Christine: P. Diddy
Phan: Ja Rule
…ROB A LIQUOR STORE IN ONE YEAR'S TIME:

Michelle: The members of B2K
Christine: The members of O-Town
Phan: Martin Lawrence

…HELP OLD LADIES ACROSS THE STREET:

Michelle: Usher
Christine: Bernie Mac
Phan: Freddie Prinze, Jr.
…MESS UP YOUR WASHROOM AND THEN DENY IT:

Michelle: Ol' Dirty Bastard
Christine: Da Brat
Phan: Homer Simpson

…APPEAR ON THE "CELEBRITY" VERSION
OF SURVIVOR:


Michelle: Alfonso Ribero
Christine: Any cast member of "Baywatch"
Phan: Coolio
…AGE WELL:

Michelle: Beyoncé
Christine: Cameron Diaz
Phan: Jennifer Lopez

…AGE NOT SO WELL:

Michelle: Bow Wow
Christine: Dr. Dre
Phan: Christina Applegate

Most Bizarro Celebrity Coupling (real-life):

Michelle: Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri
Christine: Cameron Diaz and JustinTimberlake
Phan: Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman

Most Bizarro Celebrity Coupling (on-screen):

Michelle: Queen Latifah and Steve Martin (Bringing Down the House)
Christine: Anthony Hopkins and Chris Rock (Bad Company)
Phan: Whoopi Goldberg and Ted Danson (Made in America)

Most Bizarro Celebrity Coupling (that never happened):

Michelle: A.J. and Free (BET's "106 and Park")
Christine: Eminem and Dido
Phan: Angelina Jolie and James Haven Voight

Most Bizarro Celebrity Rumour:

Michelle: Is it true that Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake are dating?
Christine: Marilyn Manson had his ribs removed.
Phan: Britney Spears is a virgin…?

The "Bizarro" Award (for weirdest celebrity EVER) goes to…

Michelle: Michael Jackson, of course.
Christine: Michael Jackson, hands down.
Phan: Michael Jackson, agreed.