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DVD Review:
John Tucker Must Die, Jesse Metcalfe, Brittany Snow, and Ashanti Douglas
JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE
Directed by: Betty Thomas Screenplay: Jeff Lowell
Cast: Jesse Metcalfe, Brittany Snow, Ashanti Douglas
Distributor: 20th Century Fox Runtime: 89 minutes
With a myriad of teen comedies being mass-produced like an assembly line at McDonald’s, John Tucker Must Die seemed like another to add to the pile. Opening in the summer of 2006 with considerable exposure and a minimalist myspace.com official website, John Tucker Must Die went on to debut at number two at the box office (behind the much-hyped but ultimately insipid Miami Vice), grossing a total of $41 million USD in its theatre run. After a summer of bemoaning the substandard title and shunning the teen cast (especially Ashanti), I came face-to-face with the glossy DVD cover at Blockbuster. With mild trepidation and some prodding from a very beautiful and smart friend that shan’t be named, I finally broke down and succumbed to the allure of mass marketing and Jesse Metcalfe’s pretty, pretty face.
John Tucker Must Die opens with Kate Spencer (Brittany Snow, “American Dreams,” The Pacifier) bemoaning the fact that she’s been invisible her whole life. With piercing blue eyes and clear, flawless skin, it’s hard to imagine that anyone like Kate would be invisible. But like every other teen film out there, it’s not what Kate looks like that prevents her from being popular – it’s the fact that she listens to vintage rock and likes chemistry that makes her a social outcast. Another suspension of disbelief occurs when we meet Kate’s mother, Lori (Jenny McCarthy, “One on One,” Dirty Love). Ripping a page from The Perfect Man, we learn that Lori is continuously dating obnoxious, juvenile men who won’t commit. Whenever Lori has had her share of scumbags in the city, she packs up and leaves. Will this affect Kate in any way? Let’s find out.
At Kate’s new high school, John Tucker (Jesse Metcalfe, “Passions,” “Desperate Housewives”) is the man. Blessed with the genetics of a god, he’s the star of the basketball team and currently dating three of the prettiest girls there – all at once! That John sure is a scoundrel. Of the three John Tucker mistresses, the first up is Heather (Ashanti Douglas, Bride & Prejudice, Coach Carter), head cheerleader with sass and attitude to spare. The second is Carrie (Arielle Kebbel, Aquamarine, The Grudge 2), the typical student body president/overachiever. And last, but not least, is Beth (Sophia Bush, “One Tree Hill,” Stay Alive), the granola-eating vegan who fills the slut quotient. John’s game, we discover, is to date girls from different social circles so that his cheating ways will never be unearthed. He also tells them that during basketball season, he’s not allowed to date, so the girls better keep their relationship a secret. Considering that these girls are less than bright, and we assume would never, ever speak to each other or have friends spy John creeping up on someone else, his ruse works well.
Until, as Kate’s voiceover tells us, “Black Tuesday” befalls upon them. The school’s gym teacher is put out of commission, forcing all the first period gym classes to merge into one. As luck would have it, all of John’s booty calls, and Kate, are placed on the same volleyball team. Heather overhears Carrie break her don’t-tell-anyone-about-our-secret-relationship oath, and is furious. Slowly, Heather, Carrie, and Beth realize that John Tucker has played them for a fool. Kate, seemingly the only teenager with a functioning brain, pleads for the girls to stop beating each other with volleyballs and aim their collective anger at the root of their problems: John Tucker. At first the girls ignore Kate and go after each other (because as any teen movie teaches us, people in different social circles must automatically hate each other), but after some soul-searching and realization that John really is the scum of the Earth, they decide to get even, enlisting in Kate’s help along the way. Because Kate has been invisible her whole life and yearns to fit in and likes chemistry and has a hot mother who can’t form a long-term relationship, she relents.
After several failed attempts to bring John down played for laughs, the girls decide that the best way to get back at him is to give him a taste of his own medicine by making him fall for a girl who cruelly breaks his heart. Kate is sent on a mission to seduce and then dump John, but because Kate is ostensibly socially inept and looks like Quasimodo, the girls decide to hone their collective abilities – Heather’s popularity and confidence (and here I could say something about Ashanti’s apparent hotness in the film, but she puts in a decent performance so I won’t), Carrie’s technological and academic savvy, and Beth’s sexiness – to turn Kate into the perfect girl. Their plans works too well, and soon John is hell-bent on wooing Kate by using his best seduction tricks on her. Meanwhile, Kate is working on her own subplot involving the “other Tucker” (Penn Badgley, “The Mountain,” “The Bedford Diaries”), John’s younger and much more sensitive brother.
John Tucker Must Die is formulaic in every sense of the word, with a shiny cast of young teens whose biggest woe seems to be a pimple on prom night. Fortunately, Jeff Lowell’s script tries to keep things fresh and upbeat with one-line zingers and sight gags that work more often than not. Metcalfe puts in an adequate performance as John Tucker, although the few glimpses of complicated layers that John may possess are often pushed into the background. Likewise, Douglas turns out a surprisingly capable performance as Heather, with an awareness of natural comedic timing that is often lost on singers-turned-actors. The rapport with the four main female leads flows easily, and isactually enjoyable to watch. Snow is pretty to gaze at on-screen and can read her lines well, but lacks believable chemistry with Metcalfe and often relies on her co-stars to produce a stellar scene. It will be a while until she could possibly pull off another starring role, but for what she’s been given, it’s a point in the right direction. Unfortunately, McCarthy, as Kate’s mother, is dripping with untapped talent and is grossly underutilized, but she does get an A for effort in the brief scenes where she does appear. Badgley does an okay job as the obligatory sensitive guy and wears the shaggy, long hair well, but his often expressionless and bug-eyed stare can be distracting.
The themes in this film are a smorgasbord of teen movie clichés – there are elements of boy-meets-girl boy-loses-girl, popular girls make the awkward, nerdy girl their pet project, and girl torn between the popular jock and the sensitive musician, which are all jumbled into an hour and a half of jokes, poignant moments of puppy love, and Ashanti in a cheerleading uniform. Most of the film glosses over these themes at rapid speed (probably assuming that its core audience is already familiar with these teen film conflicts), and culminates into a last act that seems forced and only serves to neatly tie up loose ends. When people start confronting Kate about how much she’s changed, it’s a stretch to believe since Kate’s transformation is none too apparent.
Extras on the DVD include a bonus extended cut and audio commentary by director Betty Thomas and editor Matt Friedman, but it’s otherwise slim pickings, with “On Set Tour with Jesse Metcalfe” sadly the most interesting inclusion. In this featurette, Metcalfe and Thomas walk us through Metcalfe’s awesome basketball skills, with a sneak peek at the special effects involved in his basketball stunts. Deleted scenes involve a total of two useless scenes that last no longer than a minute, with an even more useless director audio commentary. A dating quiz and music video round out the extras.
John Tucker Must Die may not be Shakespeare, but it’s a great Sunday afternoon diversion for anyone that needs a fluffy and fun distraction. Unlike most teen films out there, the cast is wholly likeable and the humour is understated but effective. John Tucker Must Die may not change your life, but it might bring a smile to your lips. ¤ C.Ho.
JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE:
(out of 5)