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Out With the Reality:
Did 2003 mark the end for reality shows?
My friends and I have this absurd habit of finding a joke we particularly find funny, and then proceed to kill it by rehashing it every five seconds. That's not very different from what has gone on in television for the past three years. Reality shows have been cropping up faster than a Starbucks coffee house, and to date there are at least twenty programs out there to suit anyone's insatiable appetite for voyeurism.But the influx of reality programming really beats a dead horse. In economic terms, items such as diamonds are expensive because of their demand and supply - that is, their demand is high and their supply is low (or simply cut off to create the illusion of a low supply). With many programs out there copying each other, enough is really enough. What made reality programming so popular was its innovation, and now that the novelty has worn off, viewers are increasingly finding themselves tuning out. But that certainly hasn't stopped networks from trying to find their next "Survivor," a ratings giant that had worn out its welcome only five seasons in.
Let's take a look at some of the culprits single-handedly responsible for what I like to call "glutinous" television.
Strangers in a House
Premise: Put a handful of camera whores in a house together, lock them up for a couple of weeks, and watch as people "stop being polite and start getting real!" (quote courtesy of "The Real World" - as real as it gets!)
A la: "The Real World," "Road Rules," "Big Brother," "The Joe Schmoe Show," "Paradise Hotel"
Why It's Out: Of all the concepts of "reality," the strangers in a house takes the cake for being one of the most offensive. You know how cranky you get when you're really, really bored? Yeah, now imagine being bored, locked up in a house (or mansion, depending on what network you're on) with seven other strangers, and having minimal contact with the outside world. When "The Real World" started, this idea was fresh, new, and exciting. Now it's akin to watching a fish bowl. Once in a while someone will do something interesting, but how long are you willing to sit there to find out? As the ratings dwindled for "Big Brother 3," the producers thought it would be necessary to bring in the big guns, and invited five ex-couples onto the show for the fourth installment. It worked, for about five minutes, and then you just felt bad for the people actually living out one of their worst nightmares. And "Joe Schmoe" only proved that its producers were just as bored as we were.Extreme Dating/Marriage
Premise: Think of it as speed dating, only worse. A single guy/gal has his/her pick of eligible bachelors/bachelorettes, and they get eliminated one by one "Survivor"-style until only one remains standing. Rushing into marriage with this person is the ultimate goal - although, judging by the track record, it seems pretty optional.
A la: "The Bachelor," "The Bachelorette," "The Next Joe Millionaire," "Married by America," "Who Wants to Marry My Dad?," "For Love or Money," "Cupid," "Average Joe"
Why It's Out: Where do they find these people? Are there really that many stupid/needy/psychologically imbalanced individuals out there? The greatest insult was "Married by America," in which, as the title suggests, couples married based on the reaction of the viewing audience. A close runner up is "The Next Joe Millionaire," in which a poor and dumb (but athletic) man would pretend to be rich in order to snag the woman of his dreams. In 2003 the claws came out, the nervous breakdowns were plentiful, and the laughs even bigger. Women fought each other for the not-at-all-charming and ghastly Bob the Bachelor, called each other names in accented English over the phony Next Joe Millionaire (who, coincidentally, made the first Joe look like a rocket scientist), and chose money over love (which I would have done too, considering that the love in question was bland and uninspiring). Perhaps there's something I'm not getting, like maybe these women somehow found out about a freaky government experiment that will render these men the last on earth. Or perhaps it is what it is - in which case, I sincerely hope that none of these participants procreate.I'm a Celebrity, Look at Me Me Me!
Premise: Have you ever wondered how a semi-famous person lives out their lives? Well, wonder no more, as they graciously allow the camera crews, and us, a sneak peak into their glamorous and not at all fake lives.
A la: "The Osbournes," "The Simple Life," "Rich Girls," "Newlyweds"
Why It's Out: I laughed when someone told me that there were people out there more brain-dead than Ashton Kutcher. I guffawed when they said that their ignorance would be exposed to millions. But here we are, watching as Paris Hilton, Ally Hilfiger, and Jessica Simpson continue to fuel the blonde bimbo stereotypes. In "The Simple Life," Paris and gal-pal Nicole Ritchie trade in their thrilling lives to live in Altus, population: less than how many people attended your high school. It's like watching "Girls Gone Wild" in Farm Country. And then we have Jessica Simpson, who couldn't remember her hotel room number and so tried her scan card on every room on the floor, not knowing it was written on her card all along. I would like to take this opportunity to say that I feel very, very bad for Nick Lachey - but not as bad as he's gonna feel when he realizes that Jessica Simpson isn't going to get any smarter.Make Me a Star and Then Exploit My Mediocre Talents
Premise: Do you have what it takes to live out your dreams? Or better yet, do you even care, as long as you get some camera time and maybe a parade in your tiny hometown?
A la: "Are You Hot?," "America's Next Top Model," "Popstars," "Making the Band," "American Idol"
Why It's Out: The star card was long played by Ed MacMahon and his "Star Search" producers, but it was "American Idol" that propelled this phenomenon to monstrous proportions. Alicia Keys-wannabes and Luther Vandrosses-in-training flocked to auditions for the chance at fame, and if not, for a crushing chance at the hall of shame. And the judges. In "Are You Hot?," a particular judge even went so far as to use a laser pointer to point out flaws on the contestants' bodies. Through "World Idol," audiences in North America found out that there are meaner sharks than Simon Cowell out there (and one gets the impression that they're trying really, really hard to be the meanest at the expense of the contestants). But if you think about it, is this really what the "American dream" is supposed to be about? Are we really expected to believe that these people will last longer than a handful of generic Burt Bacharach singles and an Old Navy commercial?Strangers Forced to Cohabitate While Playing for Money
Premise: Get a whole bunch of people together, dangle $1 million dollars in front of them, and watch as they back stab, double-cross and scheme against anyone that crosses their patch.
A la: "Survivor," "The Amazing Race," "Celebrity Mole"
Why It's Out: "Survivor" had become somewhat of a snooze fest, especially with the spoiled brats of the Thailand season. This season, series creator Mark Burnett took notice and threw in so many twists and turns that it became increasingly harder to pay attention to the group dynamics while keeping afloat with all the new tribes. The most delicious twist occurred when two voted-out members were allowed to re-enter the game. Although none of them went on to take the million, they held in till the very end. It also found one of the most villainous characters in reality television in Jon, who lied through his teeth to win a reward challenge. And is it me or is host Jeff Probst bitchier than ever? If this is what reality is about, then "Survivor" is the granddaddy of them all.Give Me a Job and Watch Me Fail Miserably
Premise: Allow someone to fulfill their ambitions, and hope they fall without a parachute.
A la: "The Apprentice," "The Restaurant"
Why It's Out: Mark Burnett has done it again. Who knew Donald Trump could be so riveting? "The Apprentice" is a perfect example of human nature: you can change the location, the objective, and the contestants, but in the end, the emotions will shine through. It's "Survivor" without the torches, but with an extra helping of middle-class attitude, cattiness, and aggression. Donald Trump offers sixteen contestants the chance to live out the "American dream," and with references to this every five minutes, you too will start believing it's as easy as selling lemonade.In 2004, we will invariably see more reality programming added to the bloated roster, and believe me, it will only get more ludicrous. Reality shows have become a staple of North American culture (although Canadians are not so quick to jump on the bandwagon), almost to the rhetorical point of who's watching whom. And, for now, the whom seems to be reality television. ¤ C.Ho.