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Tube Talk:
My TiVo is lonely...
Well, it would be if I actually had TiVo. Instead, I have a VCR, and it hasn't seen action since last spring.The other day I picked up an issue of Entertainment Weekly. "Special Double Issue," the front cover told me. Woo hoo - that meant that, after all the ads, I would actually be getting an issue's worth! "Fall TV Preview," the cover continued. "31 New Shows and 70 Of Your Old Favorites [sic, what with the American spelling and all]. Starring Joey's Matt LeBlanc and Drea de Matteo." Well, woo…hoo?
The summer season came and went much like Toronto's weather - frigid and wet (as in: wet ham, wet blanket, etc.). Despite the network's best efforts to throw us new programming during these lonely months, the best we got was Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie taking to the high roads again in "The Simple Life 2." How often could I see these two rich, spoiled socialites (slash writer, in Paris' case) make fun of Midwestern hicks, cringe at their eating habits, and then slut it up at a local bar/pub/club? And then there was "Method & Red," which never seemed like a good idea, even on paper. And yet, there they were, on my television screen, in a glorified rap video disguised as a half-hour comedy, with canned laughter telling me that writers got paid hundreds of dollars for these lame jokes. Even "Canadian Idol" had become increasingly oversaturated. Only in its second season, I felt like it had lost its allure. And it's not entirely its fault - "American Idol" took care of that two seasons ago. So Kalan Porter won, it's not like anyone over the age of 12 didn't see that coming. I did become increasingly alarmed over the judges' loss of hearing, like that time Zach said that Jacob was splendid, when he obviously wasn't. Another low blow came when Much Music was suddenly taken over by the 2004 MTV Music Awards - broadcast 24 hours a day, seven days a week, right in your own home. There were only so many times I could endure seeing people on the podium gush over Usher. And then, of course, there's a requisite quick cut to him acting like he was actually pissed off about all the praise.
Later on it was The Olympics. I think that's when my television blew up.
One good thing came out of the languid summer, though. Shows I would never have imagined watching suddenly got good. "The Amazing Race," after seasons of formulaic reality television, became a captivating guilty pleasure. The exotic locales were a welcome change after the rainforest fixtures of "Survivor" or Donald Trump's boardroom in "The Apprentice." Even "The Surreal Life" took on a life of its own, especially when Vanilla Ice (or Rob van Winkle, as he likes to be called nowadays) reprised his role as rapper and karaoked to his 90s hit, "Ice Ice Baby." Favourites like "Law & Order," "The Simpsons," and "Arrested Development" went into rerun heaven, allowing me to play catch up with all the episodes I missed last season.
So now that we're well underway with the fall season, there isn't much to be said in terms of quality. Sure, "Friends" or "Seinfeld" weren't well received when they first premiered, but can we really say that "Listen Up" (the new Jason Alexander comedy, formerly George Constanza on "Seinfeld") or "Boston Legal" (the one with James Spader that's like "The Practice" but with more William Shatner) will be breakout hits? And then there are the shows that are like other shows, just on different networks. You've got "The Contender" battling "The Next Great Champ," "Trading Spouses" bartering with "Wife Swap," "The Benefactor" combating "Branson's Quest," and "The Swan," which belongs in a category all its own. Not to mention shows fighting themselves on the same network, like "CSI" vs. "CSI: Miami" vs. "CSI: NY," which, by process of elimination, cancel each other out on relevance.
There are a couple of new shows that seem appealing solely on the fact that they're not reality shows or spin-offs. "LAX," starring Heather Locklear and Blair Underwood, is set in the famed Los Angeles airport, and has them butting heads as a runway chief and terminal boss, respectively. "Lost" is about a group of people who find themselves stranded on a remote island, with little supplies and plenty of strong personalities. Just think of it as "Gilligan's Island," but with less laughter and more creepy and dangerous overtones. And "Veronica Mars" is about seventeen year old Veronica, who once had it all, but then fell from grace, lost her best friend in an unsolved murder case, was raped at a party, and now helps her private investigator dad with his cases in their small, "Twin Peaks"-like town.
At least, these shows seemed innovative and refreshing when I recapped them in our Fall TV Preview. But the Nielsen's have spoken, and none of these appear in the top 20, trumped by other powerhouses like "CSI," "The Apprentice 2," "Survivor: Vanuatu," "Joey," "Las Vegas," "Will & Grace," and "60 Minutes" (please note: as of the time this article is being written, "Joey" is the only new show to crack the top 20…good for Matt LeBlanc, but really). (Please note: as of the time this article is being published, "Desperate Housewives" has also cracked the top 20.)
Many pop writers have predicted the early downfall of reality television, and failed. It is this unforeseen trend that keeps shows like "The Swan," "The Bachelor," Mark Burnett, and "America's Next Top Model" alive, while other quality shows are abandoned in scheduling limbo. Perhaps it's the audience that has it all wrong - these "unscripted" reality shows are not reality at all, but a fragmented piece of it. It is the distance that we can keep from these reality contestants ("goodness, I would never go on television and say that!" or "what is she thinking? Does she know how stupid she looks?") that makes us sleep better at night. The real reality lies in the television shows that can speak to us without resorting to hidden cameras and nighttime vision, those shows that are real because they're not sensational.
And so we wait, for another time, when television will become good again. ¤ C.Ho.