A look ahead at what's in store...for the next six months
Is it written in the stars for you this year? Heck if we know. But check out our predictions for 2003 and prepare to be mesmerized by our faulty psychic abilities.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
2003 looks promising, if not only for the chance to cheat on your taxes one more year. As the New Moon prepares to eat the Old Moon, take precautions with work. In February, a big promotion looms ahead - bake "special" brownies for your boss. In March, your love life picks up, so treat yourself to a new outfit. You will unexpectedly fall into some money, so treat yourself to a potted plant. By mid-year, you will receive a surprise visit from someone in your past. Offer them a beer and rent Steel Magnolias.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Your stubborn streak will only get you into trouble, so steer clear of people in January. By March things should be okay - it's time to take that long-awaited trip you've always been planning. In May, Mars ever so gently enters Venus. This is the perfect time to dust off that little black dress and go dancing. At work, things go well, until your boss realizes that it's time for your performance evaluation. A chance encounter with someone you may or may not know may or may not change your life forever. Be wary of strangers who offer to baby-sit your boyfriend while you're out of town.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
Relax in January, and take a sick day or two. The stars align on March 4th - this is the best time to clean out the garage or take tango lessons. The stress you feel at work will lighten with a big promotion and raise. Relationships with co-workers will become difficult around April, so the more you rub in your promotion, the better you will feel. Don't travel in May. Take a vacation in June. A big fight with your boyfriend will resolve itself, as long as he apologizes.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
Summer babies love ice cream, so buy a pint of it. 2003 will be quiet at first, but watch out for the rest of the year. You will be engaged in many activities, some of which you will have ample opportunity to meet new people. Only talk to those whose names begins with an "R", "J", or "C," and whose birthday digits add up to 4, 8 or 9. Big change in your family, as someone gets married, has a child, moves away, or buys a new coat. In May, splurge on a good pair of jeans, preferably stonewashed, unless they're not trendy anymore.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Those looking for love will find it this year, although it may take some time to realize it. Those in a relationship will have some big questions to face in February. Don't put things off for too long - they'll come back and bite you on the ass. In April, a little white lie will cause much harm. Leave the country for a while, and when you come back, change your name and address. When the Quarter Moon hits on June 14th, buy a Big Mac, but don't supersize the fries. A poolside flirtation will leave you smitten for the rest of the year. A friend comes to you for advice. Refrain from laughing at their predicament, unless it's really, really funny.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will meet a handsome UPS delivery man in January. Pluto orbits Saturn on the 27th, which means you will be extra moody. Buck up, though. No one likes a party pooper. A misunderstanding leads to laugher, or tears, or anxiety. Avoid the chicken souvlaki at J. J. Muggs. At the end of March, a secret desire will be granted. At work, changes loom ahead. Use your charm to woo your crush, and if all else fails, stalk them until they break down and go out with you. In March, a neighbour will steal your newspapers and deny it. Stick a pile of flaming dog &!$# on their front stoop and run.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Emeralds are your birthstone, so tell everyone you know until someone buys it for you. Today is your lucky day. The best time to get laid is April 17th. The best time to mow your lawn is on May 3rd. A clerk will try to take advantage of you, but stick to your guns and don't supersize those fries. Your significant other will be pondering a new haircut in March. Be supportive. A gift will bring you much joy. A family confrontation will lead to an awakening of sorts, for you or those around you, or possibly for your old grade school teacher. Be jovial in June, and you will be rewarded. But beware of umbrellas - sometimes they flip inside out.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Meow - did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Don't worry. It isn't you, but your nasty co-worker. Spread vicious rumours about them at work until they get canned. A big, juicy steak is in store for you in February. Enjoy it with someone special, or a particular Happygrrl that enjoys her red meat. As the Big Dipper circles the moon twice before dropkicking Uranus, take time to ponder the meaning of life. Your boss will appreciate your exemplary work in April, giving you ample opportunity to slack off in May. Any suspicion you had about your cheap friend is confirmed by your birthday present. Don't try to re-gift it, unless you want others to think you're cheap as well.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
In January, an acquaintance begins their downward spiral of self-destruction. Drop them before they bring you down with them. In April, a family member, church congregation, or Visa collection agency, will ask you for money. Buy flowers for your boyfriend, and if you're single, buy flowers for yourself. A friend from high school, whom you dismissed as a little too nerdy to date, will manifest into your dream man. Swallow your pride and invite him to coffee. Of course he'll say no, pointing out that he loved you all through high school while you never gave him the time of day. Avoid slashing his tires in a fit of rage.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
The stars are in your favour this year. This means you can go gamble at a casino, slap your boss silly and give him a wedgie, steal your sister's boyfriend, and eat five bags of potato chips, and all good things will result. A single friend will be looking for comfort. A party will put you in direct contact with alcohol. Drink responsibly and remember to wipe the toilet seat and floor when you're done. A flattering comment in May will give you the confidence you need to buy those leather pants. Brighten someone's day with a hug, and cop a feel if you can.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
In February, things will hit a snag. Shake up the monotony by doing something you've never done before. Romance is good in March, but really heats up in April. Take yoga. A co-worker, friend, acquaintance, relative, coffee store clerk, or Telus sales representative will celebrate an anniversary, birthday, graduation, engagement, house warming, or bar mitzvah. A kind stranger will make your day, possibly today or in the next six months. In June, your worst fears are confirmed: "Weird" Al Yankovic will not be making a comeback.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Your generosity will be stretched thin in March. Learn to say no, maybe, we'll see, and screw you. As the Earth rotates around the sun on April 11th, stop to smell the flowers. A big decision will loom over you on May 1st. Take a risk, unless there's a chance the outcome will be bad, in which case, play it safe, unless playing it safe could mean passing up a great opportunity. An annoying friend will want to spend time with you. Pull overtime hours at work and complain of headaches. In the summer, things start to go your way. Patience is a virtue. Beware of flying squirrels or violent pigeons. ¤ C.Ho.