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Unhappy Grrl of the Month:
Shawn Desman...
DID YOU KNOW?
The Unhappy Grrl of the Month title is given to a despicable person who exemplifies the true essence of being spoiled, rude, and unjustly praised. Which means that she possesses a certain sense of brattiness, no sense of humour, and is usually crazy.
Our Unhappy Grrl of the Month is…Shawn Desman.
There are several reasons why Shawn Desman shouldn't be this month's Unhappy Grrl. First of all, he's not a girl. And second…okay, I lied. That's the only reason. We realize that this should automatically disqualify him from the title, but we couldn't help ourselves. His general suckiness has defied the bounds of gender. He may not be a girl, but he sure is a whiny baby.
Shawn Desman wasn't always on our hit list. When he first emerged with his single, "Get Ready," he was only a little cheesy. Then came "Shook," and it just got worse. Sure, he can sing, but his songs were the run-of-the-mill R&B pieces that prompted a big yawn at clubs. And what is up with his dancing, especially that annoying armpit sniff move (pictured left, not that we really want to see it)? Someone should tell him that he's no Usher or P. Diddy. Not even a Backstreet Boy would attempt to do what he's doing. Instead of bringing some new flavour to the Canadian hip-hop scene, Shawn only managed to defile it by being totally unoriginal.
The last straw came when "Shook" was remade by a young Ottawa singer, Keshia Chanté, and sounded ten times better. We just didn't understand why his silly song warranted a remix. Apparently, the song was based on a real-life experience - in New York, Shawn did meet a girl at a movie, but was too shy to approach her (I guess the line "Do you know who I am? I'm Shawn Desman!" doesn't work on Americans). He vowed that if he saw her again, he would hit on her. Later that night, he saw her at a fashion show. She was one of the models. Did Shawn hook up? I sure hope not.
The girl in the "Shook" video looked atrocious. She looked like she needed a good meal, and possibly some conditioner. And who would think five guys dancing on the sidewalk would be sexy? I guess the two girls who walked by wearing g-strings and bras thought so. I have too many complaints about the video that I'll just stop now before it becomes an essay.
The more we disliked him, the more he seemed to be in our faces. He collaborated with The Rascalz on the "Movie Star Remix." Why, oh, why? Then came "Spread My Wings," a rip-off of Boyz II Men's "Water Runs Dry." Shawn never ceased to amaze us with his lack of original thought.
I spoke to someone who went to high school with Shawn. Reason #103 of why he's really Unhappy: his real name is Shawn Fernandes. That's right, Mr. Fernandes, I'm outing you - was "Desman" supposed to be cooler or something? Apparently, he was very shy and quiet during that time, and liked to break dance at the talent shows. Which goes to show you, mediocre CD sales and some airplay at Much Music will swell your head in no time.
The Much Music Video Awards Incident of 2003 was when we realized that Shawn had to go. Not only did he act like a prima donna and an all-around dick, but also earned the award for Best Pop Video. Best. Pop. Video. Who voted for this? Did they actually see the video? Do they actually know who Shawn Desman is?
We wish Shawn Desman all the best with his future endeavors. That is, as long as we don't have to be subjected to them. ¤ C.Ho.