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Relationship Survey:
The battle is on...
Why don't they call? What's with all the games?
KUDOS
These were just some of our burning questions when it came to this crazy little thing called relationships. Why not get some real answers? And what better way to find out than by going straight to the source? That's why we've compiled our first ever relationship survey, and we've polled our dear friends and readers on some of the things that have been puzzling us since the dawn of time. So, if you've ever wondered (and we know you have), read on to find out what our panel said.
What frustrates you the most about the opposite sex?
HE SAID:
They never give you clear signals. They're always playing mind games. (Brian, 31) Naivety. (Ben, 24) Zero confidence. Indecisive. Irrational. (Chris, 25) The opposite sex is devious. All of them. (Phil, 24) Female indecision and lack of maturity. (Chris, 23) Tend to be very cryptic in what they want. Just say it. (Ian, 21) Mind games. (Mike, 24) Insecurity, indecisiveness. (CBW, 27) Inaccessibility. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
Inability to communicate emotions - aside from punching fists into inanimate objects or into other people. (Sheena, 26) Blissful ignorance of the female psyche. (Amy, 24) The impulse to problem solve and fix things, without taking an in-depth look at the problem/challenge. Also, embarrassing attempts to have a battle of wits, unarmed. (Meredith, 24) The fact that they think we're all so complicated. (Sofi, 23) Manly (macho) attitude. (Anonymous, 21) Playing games. (Parisa, 25) Their inability to express their true feelings around peers. (Samantha, 21) Everything! Expecting heaven to be handed to them on a silver platter but expecting to give nothing in return! (Anonymous) They don't listen. (Sheryl, 24) Won't stop to ask for directions. (Anonymous) Men who think they can buy you. (Anonymous) Many things! I can only really give my boyfriend as an example in particular: he frustrates me by not giving me enough attention...I mean, he spends a lot of time with me, but he ignores me and does his own thing... oh, for five minutes of flattery and affection! Also it is frustrating how whatever nasty, evil, thoughtless things they do, and they JUST DON'T CARE! It doesn't even bother them, and even if it does, it never shows…and he also does not wake up until 2:00 PM. Hmph. (C.) Their pervertiveness and inability to commit. (K.) Their superior attitude. (Y.D., 24) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
The jury has spoken. Girls - be more assertive and stick to your guns. Guys - stop playing caveman and watch more "Dr. Phil."What frustrates you the most about your own sex (i.e. they give us a bad name)?
HE SAID:
The cheating dogs that are out there. (Karl, 23) They disrespect girls, and that's the reason why girls play mind games. (Brian, 31) They're obnoxious. (Ben, 24) They think they're still in high school. Everything's got to be a fight..."You looked at my girl," "Your shoulder touched mine," etc. Too much testosterone. (Chris, 25) Manwhores. (Phil, 24) Overblown egos. (Chris, 23) Arrogance. Not all men but some. (Ian, 21) Lies, lies and more lies. (CBW, 27) The determination driving us to acquire women that may cause some to resort to anything, up to and including deceit. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
Girls who are way too indecisive when it comes to the opposite sex. Damn girl! Grow a spine! (Sheena, 26) Those girls who downplay their intelligence. (Amy, 24) Whining, nitpicking, obsession with body image, those who wear paisley and fringe. (Meredith, 24) Our collective low self-esteem (i.e. we always feel like we have to be prettier, thinner, smarter, etc.). (Sofi, 23) Too much chatter. (Anonymous, 21) Playing games. (Parisa, 25) PMS. (Sheryl, 24) Can be very catty. (Anonymous) Women who tolerate crap. (Anonymous) Girls who cheat on their blokes...it's the ultimate putdown, and may leave the guy unable to trust women, which ends up affecting his future girlfriends, even if they are the most faithful person in the world. (C.) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
It seems that the problems that the opposite sex has with us are the same problems that we have with our own sex. Coincidence?What first draws you to someone?
HE SAID:
Looks, of course...come on, how do we get to know a personality without looks? (Karl, 23) Their appearance…it's the way they look at you, their body language, and their personality. (Brian, 31) Looks. Their intelligence and personality are the nice things that keep me there. (Chris, 25) Eyes. I can tell a lot from a person's eyes. (Phil, 24) Chemistry (physical) and common interests. (Chris, 23) First: physical. (Oliver, 24) Their personality and smile. (Mike, 24) Smile. And that ass. (CBW, 27) A kind face. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
Posture...it can tell you a lot. (Sheena, 26) I should say eyes, but I'm gonna say abs. (Amy, 24) The way they look. Let's be honest here. But that includes how they present themselves and the vibes they give off. (Meredith, 24) Their abilities - if they can play music or if they can make me laugh. (Anonymous) The way they carry themselves. (Sofi, 23) Their eyes and smile. (Anonymous, 21) Intellect, smile, charm/charisma. (Anonymous) Personality and good looks. (Anonymous) Beautiful eyes, and a beautiful smile. Also when you speak to someone for the first time, the kindness they use in their voice... affectionate and caring, even when introducing themselves. (C.) Niceness. I can't stand it when a guy is being mean to someone (K.) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
The eyes have it. And a nice smile and pleasant demeanor don't hurt either.So it's 2004. Who should make the first move?
HE SAID:
Anyone, because people in general like to see confidence and are flattered at the same time. (Karl, 23) I think the guy should make the first move. But the truth is that the guy really wishes the girl would make the first move. (Ben, 24) Whoever is hornier. Or the guy, if he paid for dinner. (Chris, 25) Whoever feels like it. I've never made the first move. It's always been the girl. (Phil, 24) The guy should make the first move but if he is clueless, the girl should do it. (Chris, 23) Doesn't matter, as long as a move gets made. (Ian, 21) Either the guy or girl, shouldn't matter anymore. (Mike, 24) Whoever's attracted. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
Whoever's interested. Like they say: if you don't ask, you don't get. (Sheena, 26) The man. Reason? It's the first and last big effort he'll put into a relationship and if his first attempt to woo you isn't very good, you can only expect a downward spiral from there, sister. (Amy, 24) Whoever wants to pick up the tab. (Meredith, 24) Either one. (Anonymous, 21) The guy. (Parisa, 25) The guy. (Samantha, 21) Either/or, I don't mind making the first move. (Sheryl, 24) It doesn't matter. (Anonymous) Whoever can pull it off - no rules on this one. (K.) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
Our panel was split on this one - half of you said it doesn't matter, while the other half believed the man should make the first move. We say: chivalry is nice, but sometimes you have to go for what you want. And the guys don't seem to mind it at all.After you get a phone number, how long should you wait to use it?
HE SAID:
The three-day rule, of course (Karl, 23) One day. Always call the next day. You can just say that you wanted to say hi. I don't believe in those rules. (Brian, 31) A week maybe? Not really sure. (Ben, 24) At least three days, no more than seven. (Chris, 25) When you want to talk. It could be ten minutes, or one week. (Phil, 24) One to two days, depending on circumstances. (Chris, 23) I usually call the next day. Depending on how drunk she was, she may need a reminder on who the hell I am. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
Usually a day (up to three days)...24 hours is enough to create mysterious and anticipation, right? Or is it six? (Sheena, 26) Depending on where you got it, the answer could be two days, one week, or never. If you got from a cute guy at the library, it'll be two days, if you got it from a schoolmate/co-worker…one week. If you got it at a club, unless somehow over the loud booming music your minds were able to connect on both an intellectual and spiritual level without him once taking a sneak peak at your T and/or A…then never. (Amy, 24) The three-day rule is old and predictable. Call in two days while they're at work, leave a message and see if they will call you back. (Meredith, 24) Whenever you remember. (Anonymous) Swingers law: five days. (Sofi, 23) It depends: a guy = instantly (within three hours), a girl = three to four days. (Anonymous) The next day. (Y.D., 24) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
The guys' average: 3.95 days, the girls' average: 2.84 days. But, as our panel proves, there really isn't a universal law on these things.
[ Who should shell out for the date, why you don't call, and playing games. Part II of the battle. ]