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Relationship Survey:
The battle is on...
So, again, it's 2004. Who should pay on the first date?HE SAID:
Always the guy, because it will make him feel comfortable. (Karl, 23) It depends on who asks whom out. They should be the ones who pay. (Brian, 31) Whoever offers to pay for bill first! (Ben, 24) It should be Dutch. It's okay if the guy pays, but the woman better offer. If he pays for dinner, she should pay for parking, dessert, the movie or something. (Chris, 25) The guy. I'm still a little old-fashioned. (Phil, 24) Go Dutch on the first date because you don't know if the date will go well. (Chris, 23) Guy...or 50/50. Never let the woman pay [for the whole thing]. (Ian, 21) The guy. (Oliver, 24) The guy. (Mike, 24) The man. A gentleman always pays. (CBW, 27) Whoever is trying to impress. I personally prefer paying on first dates. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
Seriously, whoever asks. Mind you, if I asked someone out, I wouldn't object if they footed the bill. But who doesn't? (Sheena, 26) He should. You can pay for the next one. It's easier to eliminate the cheap bastards that way. (Amy, 24) Go Dutch. (The guy should still offer, of course.) (Sofi, 23) Whoever asked for the date! (Anonymous, 21) The guy. (Parisa, 25) The man, always. Since it's like investing in "blue chip stock," you got to put in the money if you want to get the quality. (Anonymous) The guy. (Sheryl, 24) The person who asked for the date. (Anonymous) Depends on the financial situation. Whose ever idea the date was!!! (C.) Each person pays their share. (K.) The girl should offer, but the guy should pay in the end. (Y.D., 24) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
Although the guys didn't have a preference over who makes the first move, they do agree that going Dutch or footing the bill is the way to go. Many of the ladies also preferred that the guy pay. See, cheap men are bad, while cheap women are…not as bad?What can make or break a first date?
HE SAID:
Make: good conversation, break: no talking whatsoever. (Karl, 23) The quality of dinner conversation. (Ben, 24) Make: personality (niceness) and intelligence; their behavior. Break: unwarranted discussions of boundaries, like talking about how far you go on the first date. (Chris, 25) Make: flowers, chocolate, good manners. Break: penny candy, gas, obnoxious behaviour. (Chris, 23) Make: great conversation or sexual chemistry. Break: awkward silence and someone just talking about themselves. (Mike, 24) Break: bad manners. (CBW, 27) Make: communication, both verbal and other. If both people are listening and portraying genuine interest in what the other is saying, even if ultimately you don't give a crap, the vibe is a lot better and both parties have a chance to learn a lot more about the other person. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
Break: being possessive, obsessive, or a downer. Another one high on this list: although everyone has a few "unconventional" tendencies, there is no need to show that to someone you're just starting to get to know because if they're showing their freakishly massive stuffed animal collection now, you know that there's going to be a lot more scarier collections to block from your memory down the road. (Sheena, 26) Shoes that match your belt, a shirt that's ironed and good choice of restaurant are always winners for me. (Amy, 24) Break: bad breath, attempt to mate, talking about the ex, too much cologne, art deco dress shirts. (Meredith, 24) Break: if he doesn't let you taste his food (means he doesn't share), no table manners, not engaging in conversation (a.k.a. mute), looking at a waitress's ass (or going to Hooters). (Anonymous) Break: if there is an awkward pause, I'm out of there. (Sofi, 23) Sex can either make or break a first date! (Samantha, 21) Punctuality - the guy cannot be late. (Anonymous) Break: if he's a liar, psychopath or conceited individual. (Anonymous) The kiss. (K.) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
Good first dates start with good chemistry. If you don't feel it, it wasn't meant to be. Count your losses and be thankful that first dates don't last as long as the Trojan War. And remember your breath mints - it's too soon for that comfort zone. Did you notice that the girls were a heck of a lot more descriptive in their responses than the guys?Have you ever said you'll call and never did? Why?
HE SAID:
Sure, just to get out of trouble. It's a small thing that can go bad if you tell the truth so it's not a big deal. (Karl, 23) Sometimes it's the thrill of the chase, and when it seems too easy, I lose interest. (Brian, 31) Yes, but I can't remember why (get it? Cuz I forgot! "Har har!"). (Ben, 24) No. I'm not devious. (Phil, 24) Yes, wasn't interested. Lost the phone number. (Ian, 21) Yes. Don't think I'll have anything to talk to them about. (Mike, 24) Yes, lost interest. (CBW, 27) This girl lived over an hour away, and had a really annoying way of talking; she kept repeating "no doubt, no doubt" to everything I said. Got old really fast. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
Yes, because it felt like we had been going out for three years as opposed to the actual three dates, and every minute spent on the phone with him became more and more excruciating. Let's us say it was my fault and I wasn't intense enough for him. Don't worry, I somehow managed to get along without him in my life. (Sheena, 26) Oh, yes. Well, frankly, there's always the slight possibility that the guy's a psycho and will attack you if you say otherwise. Telling him he's a jerk is always safer when you're out of his car. (Amy, 24) Yes. A lot. Because nothing should ever be easy. (Meredith, 24) Never, never, never. (Sofi, 23) Yes…found out the guy was waiting for ten different girls to call him back. (Anonymous, 21) Yes, because the guy was ugly. (Sheryl, 24) Yes. That's the safest way sometimes if they won't take no for an answer. (Anonymous) Yes, because some blokes really do just need to be left well alone. (C.) Yeah, got nervous and thought about it too much. Too much time spent analyzing what will happen and not enough action. (Y.D., 24) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
Both the guys and gals on our panel are guilty of the "I'll call you" maneuver. The reasons slightly differed - the men say that they lost interest, while the women say that they were sparing feelings. But some of you did claim that this "white lie" just wasn't for you.Do you think playing games is part of a relationship, or would you rather lay your hand down right away?
HE SAID:
Life is a game, so it will be impossible to avoid it. (Karl, 23) You gotta play games. It's just a natural part of relationships. (Brian, 31) Playing games is not for me. I perceive game-playing as a thin cover for a fear of rejection. I lay my hand down right away (but gently of course). (Ben, 24) Lay it down. (Chris, 25) Playing games is for high school. A relationship is different, more real after a certain age. (Phil, 24) Games are important to test the limits and boundaries. Once you play around with the rules, you find which ones work best for your situation. (Chris, 23) Playing games is fun, but too much can ruin a relationship. (Ian, 21) No playing games. Being mature is what really counts. (CBW, 27) I get tired of playing games really quickly. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
It's definitely a part of getting a relationship, sure. If there weren't any games, things would be a lot more boring and less dramatic. Where's the intrigue and anticipation in that? But there has to be balance, don't let things get out of hand because the only people who should be dealing with excessive levels of drama are talk show hosts and soap opera writers. (Sheena, 26) Really, I'm missing a few cards out of my deck most of the time so even if I'm laying the cards down its impossible to win the game. (Amy, 24) I never show my hand, but if I consider it a relationship, I won't play games. The plan is to enjoy myself. When that part is over I move on. (Meredith, 24) You don't want to be too vulnerable so there has to be a bit of ambiguity. If you're really into somebody, you can't lay it on the line right at the beginning...does that count as playing games? (Sofi, 23) Lay your hand down. (Samantha, 21) I like playing games. (Sheryl, 24) I believe we play games to some extent at the beginning of a relationship, because we are trying to impress. Once the relationship develops the need to impress sometimes stops. (Anonymous) No game playing - why waste time if you're looking for something serious? If not, then don't commit - keep it casual. (Anonymous) I think it depends on the person. Sometimes learning how to play his game makes life easier. (C.) I think in the beginning a bit of game playing is necessary or how else would you get to know your partner...and only if it's meant in a good-hearted way. Once, you've decided that you want to be with this person, then the games should STOP! (Y.D., 24) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
Better take out that old deck of cards and practice. But don't practice too much - unless you want to be playing Solitaire.How long before the pivotal first kiss?
HE SAID:
I'm old fashioned, so I believe, never on the first date…unless the moment's just perfect for it. (Brian, 31) Whenever it feels right, I guess. (Ben, 24) Doesn't matter. (Chris, 25) Whenever the time's right. It could be right away. (Phil, 24) First date. (Chris, 23) Three weeks. (Oliver, 24) This is dependent on the particular situation. Shouldn't be forced, rather it's when you find yourselves just staring at each other passionately. (Mike, 24) Whenever the time is right. Timing is key. (CBW, 27) Depends on each situation. I usually try for two hours at the latest, just in case it's the last chance I get. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
Depends on a lot of factors, like how long you've know the person for, if you like them enough, how much chemistry there is, how curious you are about it, and most importantly, if you've remember to bring gum/Tic Tacs on your date...you know, lots of factors. (Sheena, 26) Depends. Sometimes there's no point in waiting...life's too short. If he's awesome, kiss the guy - you won't regret it. (Amy, 24) Depends on the person. Maybe three weeks. (Anonymous, 21) Three to four business days. (Samantha, 21) No time frame, but you must know the person's last name first. (Anonymous) First date, if I like him. (Sheryl, 24) It shouldn't be like an episode of "Blind Date." (Anonymous) Third or fourth date, if you feel like it. I don't want or give pity kisses. Your mouth is a pretty special place. I treat it that way. (Anonymous) Until you can't stop yourself from jumping on him in a flight of passion…and the faster this happens, the better…it must mean you really fancy them! (C.) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
Go with the flow (we assume Oliver was kidding about three weeks…right, Oliver?). And again, a little gum goes a long way.
[ Bad dates, sex, and the big "C." The battle rages on. ]