| |
Relationship Survey:
The battle is on...
Best date you've ever been on, and why:HE SAID:
I'm having a difficult time trying to choose one that I'd call the "best." I can't really see any one date being "better" than all the other dates. But if I had to choose, I'd say the evening we spent at the beach. It was filled with pleasant conversation, and the beams of a full moon. (Ben, 24) Several. They were all about me. My favourite dinner (homemade or restaurant) and dessert, my favourite activity or movie, massage... (Chris, 25) It's not the dates I remember; it's just the memories with the dates that I remember. If it was a bad one, I try not to remember. (Phil, 24) In the Caribbean, we went out for dinner, danced under the stars, and did the nasty on the beach. (Chris, 23) It's a tie. Couldn't pick between the two but both were amazing nights: i) stayed up all night to watch the sun come up' ii) tobogganing at midnight, then hot chocolate. (Ian, 21) All of my dates, because food is involved. (CBW, 27) There was this one time my ex and I got all dressed up and went to Pizza Hut. We were WAY overdressed and everyone stared and we thought it was pretty funny. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
It was a first date I had with this guy, he was incredible. He was charming, attentive, a gentleman, looked GREAT in his jeans and was an amazing kisser. Yes, I kissed him on our first date and I'd do it again, dammit! I guess that makes me some sort of harlot or charlatan?? I've heard somewhere that you shouldn't kiss on a first date. But I have three questions for you: Why not? Who are these people that keep regurgitating those pre-historic wives' tales? And are any of those people still alive? (Sheena, 26) Being surprised with dinner in a great restaurant and tickets to Les Misérables. Why? Because the big lug endured the show and when I asked if he like it, replied, "Yeah, I thought it was pretty good…kinda like this movie I've seen, but what's with all the singing?!!" (Amy, 24) I'd have to say going to see a blues band downtown because he paid for everything and we both loved the music. (Meredith, 24) We got drunk, played Zelda and spent the rest of the night making out. It ruled. (Sofi, 23) Pizza and beer on the beach. Simple, relaxed and not so lovey dovey! (Samantha, 21) I appreciated the fact that there was no trying to overly impress. He and I could just be ourselves. (Anonymous) Sounds lame, I know, but we went to the zoo. It was great! (K.) Long time ago...dinner, walk on the beach, and then drinks. Lots of interaction and the conversation was flowing. Romantic yet light throughout the date. (Y.D., 24) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
Aww. Our panel are just romantics at heart. And booze doesn't hurt either. (But drink responsibly, of course.)Worst date you've ever been on, and why:
HE SAID:
I was seeing this girl for a couple of weeks. We attended a mutual friend's birthday party at Pladium, and while we were there, she met someone else. (Brian, 31) There was this girl, Christine...but seriously, it was with a really flaky girl, who opened up way too fast about inappropriate things, had no clue when reading me or taking hints about my responses (i.e. sarcasm). (Chris, 25) Was five hours late, the restaurant was overbooked and my date threw up in the car...BITCH! (Chris, 23) Went out for dinner and felt like I was talking to a brick wall. Didn't get more than two words out of her at once. (Ian, 21) Tanya: awfully quiet. She had nothing to say. (Oliver, 24) None, because food was involved. (CBW, 27) Went to meet her at the pub... and she'd invited four of her very male friends along. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
This was a third date, he had done well enough to get to this far, so this date should have been a walk in the park. But sadly, that's not what happened. I think because he thought he had it in the bag, he decided to get loud, obnoxious, selfish, and turn into an all around jackass. Plus, it didn't help that I had started to PMS. Not a good combination. (Sheena, 26) Was an hour late, and when I pointed this out to him, he started to cry on my doorstep. I think that says why right there. (Amy, 24) Some Sunshine Boy telling me his dream was to own a vending machine and maybe use the profits to buy another one. When I told him that I like to read, he explained that lots of smart people can read and that he's going to read when he gets his vending machine. He arrived late, tipped poorly, and asked for change so he could get a newspaper the next day. (Meredith, 24) The date with my first kiss ever! Let's just say tongues and tonsils should never meet. (Anonymous) We went to a crappy movie and he didn't even walk me home. (Sofi, 23) Too many to name! All bad because of the company. (Anonymous, 21) We drove around thinking of something to do all night! What a waste of time! (Samantha, 21) We went to an amusement park, and the guy was so cheap. (Anonymous) Bad manners, and he kept talking about his car note and bills, bills, bills. (Anonymous) Guy trying to get down my pants the whole time!!! (Y.D., 24) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
Ah, bad dates are universal, and they can strike at any time. Most common gripes: tardiness, bad conversation, and lack of courteousness. Also, never cry on someone's doorstep and don't throw up in someone else's car.How long do you wait before you initiate sex? Are you bothered by first date sex?
HE SAID:
I really wouldn't say there's a time frame…you have to get to know the person well. And it depends on what your intentions are. If you're going into it for sex, then that's all there is to it, and then first date sex is fine. But if it's a relationship, you should wait. I would be bothered if she wanted to have sex on the first date. (Brian, 31) I wait as long as I can before the sheer passion makes the moment inevitable. First date sex? Well, if the passion is there. (Ben, 24) Who the hell is bothered by first date sex? It's preferable. You initiate sex when both people are ready. (Chris, 25) Sex should come by date three or four. First night sex makes the girl seem easy and respect is hard to hold for that person. (Chris, 23) Same as a kiss: whenever it feels right. No, not bothered by first date sex. It's a part of life. (Ian, 21) Whenever she's ready. I'm not bothered by first date sex. (CBW, 27) I think it's the sort of thing that should be gauged with each situation. If it's time, it's time. If it ain't, it ain't. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
When you feel the moment's right. Mind you, that depends on who you are, who he or she is to you and when you're both ready. That can range for different people - for some people it takes months, some a couple of dates. As to first date sex, I don't see the problem with it. As long as the two people in question are both consenting adults then it's really no one else's business. I have more of a problem with first-year weddings...you know the ones where the bride and groom have met, dated, fell in love, got engaged and married within the first year they've known each other. That gives me the frickin' heebee-geebees. (Sheena, 26) No, not bothered by first date sex. I find bad sex morally repugnant and generally a waste of my bubble bath time. (Amy, 24) First date sex is too much to think about - all the "what if?"s. Plus, it sets a precedent, which may create the assumption that dates may be limited to more of the same. (Meredith, 24) Sex should not be taken lightly, ever. I have only heard first-date sex horror stories, so I will refrain. (Sofi, 23) Wait at least a month. If you give in on the first day, he'll think you're easy! (Samantha, 21) Depends - if I'm horny and I like the guys and he's HOT, we could do it on the first date. (Sheryl, 24) I'm not bothered by first date sex if other people believe in this (hey, it's their life). But I personally don't. (Anonymous) It all depends on the comfort level with that other person. I'm not interested in first date sex. (Anonymous) Blokes trying to initiate first date sex make me verrry suspicious. (C.) If he was a friend first, then sex on the first date is not a problem. If I just met him, then yes, sex on the first date would bother me. I would say to wait after five dates before initiating sex. (Y.D., 24) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS: The jury is once again split on this one. Some say it doesn't matter, some hold that there should be a waiting period. First date sex is all right to some, while others think that it will make the woman look "easy." What should we say about the man, then?
So, is it true…are men from Mars, and women from Venus? Are we more different than alike?
HE SAID:
Girls do sometimes think like men but in general they are more different because they are more emotional and moody. (Karl, 23) Yeah, we're more different. It's just the way it is. When you find [in a relationship] that they are more alike, then those are the ones that last 50 friggin' years of marriage. (Brian, 31) I think we're more different than alike. We all have the same will and desire to love and be loved in return. What differs is our perspective, mentality, and approach to it all. (Ben, 24) We are different. Of the men, most are rational, especially the smart ones. Women are always overemotional, even the smart ones. Men are fiercely independent, women aren't. (Chris, 25) We're not that different; just not open enough to each other to understand each other. (Phil, 24) I think men are different from women, but only physically. There are many traits that both sexes exhibit, yet are not prominent in everyone's personality and character. This is because of environment, culture and social outlook. (Chris, 23) I think that at first both men and women want the same things but later on in the relationship, more often than not, each have different needs and wants. (Mike, 24) We're more alike. We are human, same emotions, same wants and desires. Everyone wants to be happy. (CBW, 27) SHE SAID:
I think we are more alike than different. Although I think men like to regard themselves as rationally superior, this despite the fact that they can't seem to undo the hooks on the back of your bra without becoming distraught. (Amy, 24) I think we're more alike than we would care to admit. (Sofi, 23) Yes, many times we are more different. The majority of men will never understand women and it won't change. (Anonymous, 21) No. (Parisa, 25) Yes, we (women) like to talk about how we feel. Men don't care about that stuff. (Sheryl, 24) No. As individuals we are very alike. We all just have different ways of expressing ourselves. (Anonymous) Yes, I think so. Some are much closer in thoughts…but some are not. In my case, I am from the sun and my boyfriend lives on Uranus. (C.) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
Sorry, we're too busy crying to have any rational thoughts. (Special shout-out to Amy, who understands our "unhooking the bra" plight.)Commitment: when do you take that plunge?
HE SAID:
When you say you are exclusive and there's no one else. When you realize that you want to spend months, years, with this person. (Brian, 31) When you no longer fear falling. (Ben, 24) When it feels right for both people, and when you decide that you don't want anyone else. (Chris, 23) When you find the right person. (Ian, 21) When you are sure that you are happy with yourself and the person you are with is happy with themselves. You shouldn't rely on someone to make you happy, rather you should be happy on your own and be happy with someone. (Mike, 24) When I evaluate the full potential of the woman. (CBW, 27) You shouldn't be pressured into committing if you're not ready. But at the same time, don't be surprised if you take too long and they move on. (Gord, 29) SHE SAID:
You should take that plunge when you're ready and it feels right. Don't ask me, I've never taken the opportunity to "dive" in. (Sheena, 26) When Mr. Right comes along, in other words: never. (Amy, 24) Easy. Never. (Meredith, 24) When you're ready, because love don't pay the bills. (Anonymous) When he asks you if you'll wear his pin? Yeah, I don't know. When you click, that's it. (Sofi, 23) When his flaws become his best feature and when it's been years that you've spent together and the butterflies in your stomach still go crazy when you see him. (Samantha, 21) Depends - when I know for sure that's he's loyal and not a player. (Sheryl, 24) I think when both are ready to make a very serious commitment. (Anonymous) That's a gut feeling for me. I would prefer to get know a person before I make any commitment. (Anonymous) Whether it's weeks or months, and you still get that same jumpy feeling in your heart every time you go to meet him. (C.) When you are ready to give up your freedom, when you are done searching, when you know it's the one. (Y.D., 24) HAPPYGRRLS SAYS:
The big "C" is still a mystery to us - but when the big "L" is there, it starts to make more sense.
[ He said: I hate your indecisiveness! She said: Learn to cry once in a while! Part I of the battle. ]