HOME       ABOUT US       CONTACT      THE VAULT       FAQ      SITE MAP      SEARCH

Online Dating:

---

A Happygrrls experiment...

ALL NAMES... ...have been changed. This is to protect the innocent, and to avoid possible lawsuits. My screen names, however, were very real. And sad. And unfortunate.

June 15
Oh God, oh God, oh God. I just checked my Matchopolis account. The median age of the people interested in me is 40, and that's not an exaggeration. Should I write "Not looking for a sugar daddy" in my profile?

Changed my profile on Lavalife a little more. So far, nobody has really caught my interest. One man looks like he could potentially be my soulmate. That, or he's the male version of me. Creepy. I am beginning to cringe looking at people's backstage passes, because suddenly a naked chest will pop up on the screen at the precise moment my mother walks into my room. No mom, I am not surfing porn. Unfortunately.

Opened an account at www.singlesonline.com as delilah26. Sign up as a community member, which is free and allows you access to almost nothing except browsing profiles. They ask me about personal appearance (ranging from attractive to exotic to average to rugged). Really want to pick rugged as a joke. Also ask about living accommodations (living at home, alone, on an army base, in a Winnebago, etc.) and health/disabilities. There is no option for usually healthy but presently suffering from a cold. Under habits (i.e. nail biting, tobacco chewing) I see "dip snuff." What does that mean? Is that a code for smoking the maryjane or something?

Have to e-mail pictures to the site, which will take 24-48 hours to process. This site already looks very unpromising. Skip the whole interests section because it's too long and the options are on a drop-down list, which is hard to navigate and keep track of.

Decide to be a little more proactive and seek out people I may be interested in. Wish me luck.

June 17
Received a couple of e-mails from people that peaked my interest at Lavalife. Had no idea that you needed credits to send e-mails (but replying is free for some reason). Feel really, really cheap but do not want to shell out money for this "project" (just call me el-cheapo, okay?). Everyone says I seem down-to-earth. Dammit! I am not down-to-earth! I'm not!

A woman sent me a smile. Am confused about this.

Opened an account at Hotmail for private e-mails. Am not willing to use my regular accounts, lest something stalkerish happens. Realize I am a very paranoid person.

June 19
Checked my Lavalife inbox to find this:

Date: Jun 18 at 4:23 PM EDT
Subject: send me a pass
you are hotttt [sic]! I'll move to Canada just to be near you. I'm not a stalker but I think I love you! No kidding. call me 917 xxx xxxx

Not a stalker? I beg to differ.

On Lavalife, I'm currently keeping a regular correspondence with about eight people, who are all cool in their own way.

Tim - 32 years old (ouch), one of the first people to e-mail me, told me some amusing stories about people meeting face-to-face.

Rob - 23 years old, one of the best profiles I've read, sends me really long and sweet e-mails that make my heart melt. Plus, his grammar is really, really good. Looks a little like Jean Claude Van Damne.

Mike - 24 years old, seems like an innocent, down-to-earth guy, plays hockey. Looks very young.

Paul - 30 years old, rosy-cheeked and bright-eyed. His first e-mail had me rolling on the floor.

Nick - 24 years old, more of a friendship than a potential romance. Am in awe of his "Simpsons" knowledge.

Daniel - 24 years old, told me about his lunch, gets my sense of humour, has a really cool screen name. Already hinted at meeting face-to-face.

Brandon - 23 years old, just messaged me today. Looks very familiar. I think I used to chat with him on Asian Avenue years ago. Have mentioned the familiarity, but haven't asked him about AA yet.

John - 27 years old, sent me a smile weeks ago, I sent him a smile, and then nothing. Notice that he has tried to IM me a couple of times, but my IM screen doesn't work. Sent him an e-mail collect call (meaning that the person on the other end has to pay credits to read it), and cross my fingers. He has replied. Grammar needs a little work. And by little, I mean a lot.

It has been increasingly hard to keep up with the e-mailing. Wonder where people get the energy to cheat on their partner, as I can't even keep up with two people on e-mail. My other accounts remain untouched.

Hey, someone e-mailed me at Lavalife and called me a smart-ass. Already hate him.

June 29
A lot has happened these past ten days. I became addicted to Lavalife and all its potential, thereby ignoring the rest of my accounts. I dreaded logging in to Date.com and seeing yet another 50-year-old man from a small U.S. town asking me to be his fifth wife. Opened a Hotmail account solely used for the people I met on Lavalife, and only distributed it to the eight guys above. Nick and Daniel have passed me their numbers, but I keep evading the question of meeting.

Rob and I have kept in touch regularly through e-mail, phone, and MSN, culminating in a meeting a couple of days ago. Thankful that he wasn't a 50-year-old man from a small U.S. town asking me to be his wife. We met at Lava Lounge on College Street, which I thought was a clever play on words (I don't think he got it though, or didn't care much). Suddenly felt very self-conscious sitting across from him, and the conversation suffered the more for it. There's a certain pressure that I detest that comes with first dates, not that I preferred to call it as such. All-around awkward conversation, whereby he kept asking me if I was bored and I kept saying no. No sparks, very platonic. Not sure how to continue this. Not sure that I want to have another true-to-life encounter with anyone else from this system. Well, maybe Tim, and more because of the eye candy.

A friend sent me a smile. I was mortified. Should I tell him that I'm doing this for an article? Not that he'd believe me. Realize I still feel the stigma of doing the online dating thing. Am comforted in the fact several people have come out of the woodwork and have told me that they're also on Lavalife.

The little project is coming to an end. Am going to take down my profiles when it's over. Well, maybe not at Lavalife.

July 5
Took some time today to answer e-mails in my Hotmail account. Have also logged into Lavalife, curious to see what was going on with my account. The answer: not much. I have some unread mail in there, which I haven't gotten around to opening yet. At Lavalife they notify you as to whether someone has checked your mail; I feel this certain guilt at reading someone's mail and then not replying, so I have opted not to open anything yet. Some of the subject lines have piqued my interest though.

The other accounts are untouched. I have received some notifications in my e-mail that someone is "interested" in me at Date.com and Matchopolis. Ooh. I feel like I'm in the sixth grade and a nosy third party wants to tell me that Billy thinks I don't smell.

Have no idea what has happened to my Singles Online account.

July 18
Bizarro e-mail:

From: 4KISSMET (yes, he misspelled my username)
Date: Jul 18 at 6:53 PM EDT
Subject: For you
Yes i signed up for you. I was brousing [sic] and took a chance. So here I am. It's romantic OR it's stalking -- that depends on whether you like me :) Would like to chat.

Gah!

Epilogue
Pat Benatar once said that love is a battlefield, and while I can still quote cheesy 80's lyrics, I can't say that this experience hasn't changed me somewhat. I learned that Internet dating can become addictive. Maybe it's the thrill of receiving a sweet e-mail, or reading other people's profiles, or flirting shamelessly through words. Whatever the case, it can make your day. But I soon came back to reality when I realized that it is still a very impersonal way to communicate with someone, and no matter how innovative this way may seem, there are still games to be played and hearts to be broken. I also felt at times that I was cheating or two-timing, which should come as no surprise considering the process. Literally felt guilty about e-mailing one person after another, as if I was jumping from bed to bed to bed.

I did connect with some people on Lavalife, and I don't think I would have met them otherwise. Whether it's a love connection or not remains to be seen. I did enjoy reading their e-mails, and more often than not they put a smile on my face. But unfortunately, that isn't enough for me.

So, would I recommend this? If you're open-minded and willing to be a little unconventional, then this is for you. If you're tired of the bar and club scene, then this is for you. But remember to be careful, never give out your personal information, and if you decide to meet, meet in a public place. Also remember to never wear your heart on your sleeve, and be wary of 50-year-old men who proclaim their love to you and promise to be your sugar daddy. ¤ C.Ho.

[ See the profiles. Part III of the article. ]