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You've Got Matches:
One girl's foray into the world of speed dating...
There were a number of reasons that the men and women attended the event. The first people we met when we entered Fez were two girls sitting at the bar. They were down for Reading Week from Kingston. They told me that they were at the event because they'd just seen Hitch and needed something fun to do while at home. A fifth of the guys told me they had done speed dating before, all about a year ago. They had enjoyed it but nothing had really panned out, so they were trying it again. Most of the girls attending believed that it would be a good experience, and at least a good opportunity to make a few new friends. Bart, a guy who had had his first speed dating experience filmed on "Matchmaker," told me to quote him and said, "I'm not looking for friends." Well, then.
GOODIES
Although the event was set for 7:00 PM, it started at 7:30 to allow for some mingling and drinking. The men were instructed to find a table where a woman was sitting to start the rotation. I started with Ben, and Lucie started with no one - one guy hadn't shown up. Already we could feel the magic. After the first few rotations, I felt myself relaxing. I had a few good three-minute conversations, and Lucie did too. Then I met Paul* for my next date. He sat in front of me, with his clipboard poised and his pen in position. "Hi Dani. So…what do you like about yourself?" he asked, in a voice so slow and similar to that of a voiceover broadcaster that I thought he was joking. So I laughed, happy to meet someone who could also make fun of the typical questions that were being asked. Paul blinked and waited, smiling expectantly. I cleared my throat and asked, "Oh, are you serious?" Indeed, he was. I listed off three qualities and waited patiently as he jotted them down. I asked Paul what he did for a living. He told me that he was a squeegee boy, and in fact wanted to be the best squeegee boy in Toronto. "Only in Toronto," I said, responding, in many ways, to his statement. I did wonder, though, how he afforded the $45 fee for the event, and why he would spend it on speed dating. I attempted to delve into the financial breakdown of a squeegee boy's biweekly salary. However, the whistle blew and our three minutes were over.
The rest of the men were similarly…eccentric. I didn't think it was possible, but you could expect to find these characters on television - they were living caricatures of the average guy. One guy laughed after everything I said, although nothing I said was funny, and I didn't think he thought so either. I worried that he was manic and so I didn't try to make a real joke. Another one of the men seemed so old, and I felt so young, that I developed a temporary Lolita complex. He told me that he had an exam the next day, and I think it aroused him when I told him to go home and study. Luckily, the whistle blew (theirs, not his).
I deterred a number of men by involving them in the great donut debate. I started asking randomly if they liked donuts, as donuts are, in fact, my food of choice. I was surprised at the number of guys who said that they didn't like donuts, and some even seemed slightly offended by the question. I knew at that point that we wouldn't have a future together, and checked "no".
There were also some normal, likeable guys, but I was slightly suspicious because I wondered why they would be speed dating if they were cool. The problem with this was that I began to wonder if they were only normal on the surface, and possibly wearing fishnets under their dress pants. I secretly hoped that they wondered the same thing about me. Nonetheless, I checked "yes" to four guys - one guy named Joe* told me that he frequented the Maddy quite often; John* was Irish and lived on the same street that I lived on; Mike* was an engineer and had moved to Toronto two years ago, and Dave* had just graduated and seemed to be a funny guy.
If I had the choice, there is only a 48% chance that I would attend a speed dating event again. The thing that I didn't like was that people evaluated me in three minutes. Although in our daily lives emphasis is normally placed on first impressions, sometimes three minutes isn't even enough time to say my name properly. In one sense, speed dating seems just as insincere as dating via the internet - in the same way that people go through pages and pages of profiles with pictures, that's essentially what happens at these events, only it happens in person. Even with online chat, you have time to think about what you're going to say before you say it, and you can choose the best picture to post on your profile. At speed dating, if you screw up in the three minutes, you don't have another chance. In contrast, during a real, one-on-one date, you suffer through a whole night together and have plenty of chances to redeem yourself, should things go astray. Plus, a real date gives you the chance to connect on a more personal level, and you do not find yourself answering the same question 25 times, unless one of you has a hearing problem. And most importantly, you don't feel that you're trying to sell yourself so that you're the best one out of a possible other 24 (well, usually this is the case with real dates).
Another downside was that I found myself zapped of my energy halfway through the event. I didn't realize how hard it would be to be perky once every three minutes. Towards the end of the night, I was running on autopilot and had a prepared spiel in my head: 5th and final year at U of T, double major; musical tastes vary depending on the song; for fun, yes, sure, I go to bars; yes, I do play those sports; no, I don't like sushi, in fact, I'm allergic to it.
Additionally, I still harbour resentment towards the number of people who did not like donuts, so if I were to attend an event again, I would bring a box of Timbits so that I could teach them the glory of the donut.
Two days later, I check my email, and there it is. From 25dates.com: "You've Got Matches!" I found that both Mike* and Dave* had apparently thought I was interesting, too. The e-mail listed their e-mail addresses, and told me to update my profile online so that they could learn more about me. Lucie got three matches out of the six she had checked "yes" to. We've set a deadline for Tuesday, which is the last acceptable day for these men to make contact.
If they wait until after that day, it'll probably be a no-go. For speed daters, that's awfully slow. ¤ Dani (from University of Toronto's The Window, reprinted with permission)
[ How the heck did Dani get herself into speed dating? Part I of the experience. ]