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Behind the Myth:
The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right...
Back in 1996, Warner Books published a little tome called The Rules, not knowing that it would simultaneously top the bestsellers' list for weeks and set women's liberation back a couple of decades. Its authors, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, were catapulted in the spotlight, appearing on such shows as "The Oprah Winfrey Show" to defend their outdated advice for "getting the attention of, and creating a bond with that special man." Despite all the debate surrounding their philosophies, The Rules sold and spawned others, most notably The Rules II: More Rules to Live and Love By, and The Rules for Marriage: Time-Tested Secrets for Making your Marriage Work. The authors are currently working on The Rules for Online Dating, slated to come out later this summer.
THE RULES
Format: Mass market paperback, hardcover, digital, audio cassette
Pages: 174
Publisher: Warner Books
Publishing Date: February 1, 1996The small, pocket-sized 174-page book promises that if you do the Rules and "pray for patience, you will eventually meet and marry the man of your dreams." After reading the first three chapters of the book, it becomes apparent that the authors know how to manipulate the reader - and nothing much else. If you read between the lines and clichés, you'll find that they prey on gullible and desperate women's fears of being alone. Chapters are interspersed with cautionary tales of others that didn't follow the Rules, and inevitably lost the man of their dreams. Women like Susan, Mary, and Candy were foolish enough to think of their boyfriends as more than just a walking paycheck/village idiot, and as a result were dumped. After Chapter 10, the only point that got across was that these women probably didn't exist; and indeed the book was written for "women who are having problems," if by problems they meant psychosis. By Chapter 12, I was ready to claw my eyes out.
Although the self-helper offers over thirty Rules, most of the drivel spouted is repetitive and unnecessary. It's almost as if the writers were trying to brainwash their readers. It came as no surprise that several chapters, called Rule #27: Do The Rules, Even if Your Friends and Parents Think It's Nuts! and Rule #31: Don't Discuss The Rules With Your Therapist, urge the reader not to talk about the Rules with their loved ones, lest someone plan an intervention to de-program them. Fein and Schneider also advise against asking men about their opinions, as they "might say one thing and believe another." I suspect it's because men will laugh and throw things at you. The Rules can be summed up into a nutshell: act aloof (hard to get), and at the same time accommodate him, and you'll get the "perfect" (Rules) marriage. Through trickery, deceit, manipulation, and subjugation you too can sink your claws into Mr. Right!
I briefly pondered testing out the Rules myself, but found that I didn't have enough time to meet a man, play hard to get for three months, act submissive for six more months, and plan a wedding. If you don't believe me, check out these gems for yourself:
- If you follow the Rules, you can rest assured that your husband will treat you like a queen - even when he's angry with you. Why? Because he spent so much time trying to get you…you don't have to worry about being abandoned, neglected or ignored!
- Sometimes your indifference makes them so crazy about you that you end up marrying one of them.
- A relationship from a man is different from a job. In a relationship, the man must take charge. He must propose. We are not making this up - biologically, he's the aggressor.
- You must experience some delayed gratification in the first few months of the relationship to achieve marital bliss.
- Try to change bad habits like slovenliness if you expect to live with a man. Men like women who are neat and clean. They also make better mothers to their children - the kind that don't lose their kids at the beach.
- The theory that what counts is only what's inside, not your outside, think again! Men like women who wear fashionable, sexy clothes in bright colours. Why not please them?
- Don't leave the house without wearing make-up. Put lipstick on even when you're jogging!
- If you have a bad nose, get a nose job; colour gray hair; grow your hair long. Men prefer long hair, something to play with and caress. It doesn't matter what your hairdresser and friends think. You're certainly not trying to attract them!
- Don't act like a man, even if you are head of your own company. Let him open the door. Be feminine…don't talk so much. Wear black sheer pantyhose and hike up that skirt to entice the opposite sex!
- You may feel like you won't be able to be yourself, but men will love it!
And this was from the first three chapters of the book. The exclamation points were the work of the authors, who feel the need to emphasize that you will never be alone again! You will not be yourself, but who cares! Anything is fine as long as you have the love of a man! Perhaps I'm being too stubborn about this. After all, Jennifer and Sheila followed the Rules and now they're in a shallow, loveless marriage based on lies and manipulations. But they're married! And that's every woman's goal in life, because we live in the 1950's and if women weren't around, who would take care of the children and churn the butter?
[ Act like a doormat for the first few months of dating. Then turn all psycho on him. Part II of the article. ]