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Happygrrls' How-To:

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Write a personals ad...

THE PANEL Here is the illustrious panel, who are not actually here today but join us in spirit. Singles on The Go Yahoo! Personals Ask Men IVillage MY SAMPLE AD Are You That Somebody? Single, quirky gal in Toronto looking for someone to go kareoking with, and if the nice weather persists, hang out on patios drinking Long Island Iced Teas. I'm not too young (no jailbait here) and not too old (liverspot-free). Petite - but bigger than Bow Wow, with two-toned hair and lovely brown, albeit slanted, eyes. Love to party, but I'm no "good-time" girl. Gigolos and pimps need not apply. Who should apply? I'm not too choosy. Must be breathing, speak English somewhat, and have all their real teeth. Reading and writing (in any language) is a bonus. If you enjoy playing Age of Empires II, then I think we have a connection. Wanna see my personals ad writing skills to the test? Click here.

Okay, before you think this article is about my past experiences with personals, it's not - it's advice from online personal "experts" who have been there and done that (therefore, my opinion means diddly-squat here). Advice was pulled from Singles on The Go, Yahoo! Personals, Ask Men, and IVillage. How do they stack up against each other? Let's find out.

Singles on The Go

1. Write honestly and accurately - this includes listing your real height, weight, body type, education background and profession (no stretching the truth here).
2. Don't share too much information - just enough to keep them interested. List things like favourite hobbies, activities, movies, books, etc. Keep things about work minimal. Say things like "a nurse at a local clinic" or "mortician at a funeral home." You get the gist.
3. Don't fixate on only one aspect of your life. You come off sounding one-dimensional and obsessed. Write things people can relate to, such as where you're from, where you live, or where you're going in life.
4. Don't dwell on problems or limitations. You can talk about those things later. If you have children, mention them briefly. People want to know you will have time for them.
5. Think about what you're looking for, and don't set too many limitations. It might hinder some great opportunities. Don't say you're looking for the love of your life and want to get married.
6. Good words: affectionate, likes to cuddle, interested in a committed relationship, sensitive, great cook, romantic, caring, monogamous, down-to-earth, sophisticated, etc.
7. Bad words: well hung, great in bed, I'd love to satisfy you, sexually insatiable, great lover, erotic, uninhibited, etc.
8. Unless a person is downright unappealing, remember that amateur photos hardly do justice to a person.
9. Increase your response rate by ten times by posting a photo. You can also offer to exchange photos (photos - not porn here people) by e-mail. Send your best photos. First impressions are crucial.

Yahoo! Personals

1. Write a catchy headline. Make it memorable but not boastful.
2. Post a photo - make it simple. It should be a picture of how you normally look, so no prom pictures or Glamour Shots.
3. Describe yourself and the person you're seeking. Focus on positives about yourself.
4. Show, don't tell! Be creative with your ad and make it stand out. List uncommon things like intriguing features, most memorable experiences, what celebrities you might resemble.
5. Keep it brief and never lie.
6. Double-check grammar and spelling.

Ask Men

1. Be creative and fresh.
2. Be honest, don't bullshit.
3. Don't show off.
4. Do talk about age and what age you're looking for.
5. Be specific with details.
6. Include a nice picture.
7. Mention current status - be upfront with facts.

IVillage

1. When writing an ad, set the mood. Be relaxed, put on some nice music, be in a good mood.
2. Write all your thoughts down before posting them.
3. Show off your personal style, like a wacky sense of humour or stream-of-consciousness thinking.
4. Share feelings and experiences.
5. Try to communicate these three attributes: sense of humour, integrity, and self-confidence (but don't boast).
6. Include a photo of yourself - try to find one where you're alone and in a well-lit area. Nothing too revealing.
7. Don't work on your profile when you're down, don't overthink it, and don't give negative details.
8. Just listing all the details of your love life is boring. Spice it up.

Okay, obviously I still need a lot of help with my ad. But I had a lot of fun writing it, and I think that's what counts the most. Remember, if you decide to place an ad for yourself, be careful. There are a lot of creeps and weirdos on the net. Never give out your phone number or address to a stranger, even if you have started a correspondence or they look nice in their picture. E-mail is the safest way to go. Gradually, if they seem safe and you decide to meet, do so in a public, well-lit place. I've known many people who have found love on the Internet. Who knows, maybe it's in the stars for you. ¤ C.Ho.