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Dear Angry Black Grrl:

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Tryflin' exes, unwelcome houseguests, lothario etiquette...

GOT A QUESTION? Want to know if your cheap friend is worth sticking with? Stuck in a love triangle worthy of "Jerry Springer"? Told your boss off and need a way to gracefully grovel? If you have a relating question for Angry Black Grrl, send her an e-mail at help AT happygrrls DOT com. Don't let the name fool you - she's as gentle as a newborn kitten. ADVICE OF THE MONTH On playing the field: If the relationships were serious and you told each guy that you were exclusively dating them, then I would say that what you were doing was wrong. You wouldn’t want to mislead them. If you choose to not be in a monogamous, then it’s only fair that you let each party know.

Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I’ve been dating this guy for a couple of months, and things are going great. Unfortunately, his ex-girlfriend has jumped back into the picture. I don’t know much about their relationship, but from what he tells me, they had a pretty bad break-up but tried to remain friends. They’ve been broken up for almost a year, but before we got together, he told me that she’s been trying to get him back. Now she’s calling him at all hours of the day “just to talk.” He knows that it bothers me and tries to keep the conversations short, but she’s not getting the hint. Should I lay the smack down on her or what?
Don't Mess With My Man

Dear Don't Mess With My Man,
Hell yes, you should put the smack down on the heifer! She’s completely disrespecting you by calling your man in your home at any time of the day.

But before you put the beat down on her, I suggest that you tell your man that the phone calls must stop! Assure him that you don’t feel threatened by their relationship, but his ex needs to recognize his current situation. If she doesn’t let up, by all means, let the smack down begin!

Dear Angry Black Grrl,
My friend was going through a hard time. She just broke up with her fiancé and had to sort out six years’ worth of assets and belongings. In the mean time, I offered her a place to stay, thinking that she just needed to be out of the house. She took me up on it. That was three months ago! I love her to death, but she’s basically become the roommate I never wanted. Plus, she’s kind of a slob and has taken to freely rearranging my furniture and adding herself to my answering machine. When I asked her to stay with me, I meant temporarily, not for the foreseeable future. I know she’s still going through a hard time, but I want my place back! What should I do?
B. W.

Dear B. W.,
Your friend’s situation ain’t the greatest. She lost her man and her place in a matter of days? That can’t be pretty.

I think you’ve been a good friend to her by being there for her, giving her a place to stay and by and helping in her time of need, but it’s time for you to let her stand on her own two feet. Tell her that you’re proud that she’s been able to get over the relationship and you were happy to help her during this tough time, but it’s time for her to move out and gain her independence again.

Expect her to be upset and tell you that she can’t do it, but be firm with her. If you don’t do it now, she’ll never leave. It’s a little bit of tough love, but she will appreciate it in the long run. Good luck!

Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I just received news that one of my old grade schools chums is getting married. She and I were close, but I moved away in the eighth grade and we’ve been periodically keeping in touch. You know, a birthday card here, a Christmas e-mail there. Here’s my dilemma: she called me up the other day and told me that she’s just gotten engaged, and could I be one of her bridesmaids? I didn’t know what to say, and I felt bad in telling her that I would have to think about it. But I don’t have to think about it because I already know that I would rather not. We haven’t been close in years and with a new job and other weddings next year, I don’t have time to be involved in hers. She would understand if I said no, right?
RSVP For Me

Dear RSVP For Me,
Okay, let me get this straight. A friend that you knew WAY back in the day has gotten engaged and asked YOU to be one of the bridesmaids even though you haven’t had a real friendship since you were in elementary school?

I’m not trying to knock you, but would you really want to be a part of a big celebration – like a wedding – for someone that you haven’t been close to in years?? Let’s just say, my answer would be NO!!!

Dear Angry Black Grrl,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months. I told him from the start that I didn’t want to rush into sex because it was going to be my first time and I wanted to be sure. He seemed to agree and never pressured me. But last week, we went to a party and had a little too much to drink. When we got to his place, one thing led to another, and I slept with him. I regret that night and wish that it didn’t happen. But now that it’s done, my boyfriend thinks that I’m ready and willing all the time. Even though I don’t feel comfortable, we’ve had sex after that. What should I do?
Not Like A Virgin

Dear Not Like A Virgin,
There’s only one thing that you can do, you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your boyfriend. You sound really upset and not really emotionally prepared for a physical relationship.

I realize that you’ve had sex after the “incident,” but he needs to know how regretful you really feel. Right now he might think that you feel comfortable with your level of intimacy and is oblivious to you inner turmoil.

Keep in mind that when you tell him about your unease he may react in a million different ways. The best case scenario is that he respects your stance and stays in the relationship, or the worst case scenario, he may be confused by sudden change of heart and jet. Don’t let his reaction cloud your judgment. You should remember to do what makes you happy! Keep ya head up, girl!

Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I recently got out of a relationship and, after a year of being single, am starting to enjoy the dating scene again. I met C. during my friend’s birthday, and we agreed to go on a date. We hit it off and made plans for another date. The following week, I met N. at a bar. We also hit it off that night and went for lunch a couple of days later. I’m planning to see both C. and N. next week. My question is, should I tell each man about the other, or should I just wait to see which guy I like best?
Don’t Hate The Playa

Dear Don’t Hate The Playa,
Looks like you’ve got the playa role on lock!

I don’t think that you have to say anything – you’re casually dating and you’re getting to know them better. If the relationships were serious and you told each guy that you were exclusively dating them, then I would say that what you were doing was wrong. You wouldn’t want to mislead them. If you choose to not be in a monogamous, then it’s only fair that you let each party know. Have fun (and be safe), playa! ¤ Michelle