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Dear Angry Black Grrl:
Handling jealous boyfriends, demanding exes, lazy classmates...
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
GOT A QUESTION?
ADVICE OF THE MONTH
Back in high school, I was quite popular with the boys and had a lot of fun, but ever since I met my current boyfriend over a year ago, I have done a total 180. We are recklessly in love but he's just a little overprotective. I want to be able to contact these old guy friends (so I can say I still have some friends left) and my guy just put his foot down. Am I in the wrong to fight this or does he have a point? I have been 100% honest with him this whole time and have never given him a reason not to trust me. He cannot hold my past over my head, when he wasn't even part of it...can he? Help me...!
Angry In LoveLove is an important element to a healthy relationship, but having the ability to trust your partner will also sustain a healthy relationship for years to come. Without trust, a relationship cannot grow or flourish.
Your boyfriend may be a little weary of you contacting your guy friends, but I don't think that he has the right to forbid you from speaking to them. As you said, you haven't given him a reason to distrust you, so he should be confident enough to know that you would not betray his trust.
If you think that he needs additional reassurance of your faithfulness, you should tell him flat out how you feel about him, and let him know that you just want to contact your old friends because you miss their friendship. If he still insists that you have nothing to do with them, you might want to reevaluate your relationship with him. If he is that insistent that you don't talk to your old friends, what will he forbid next???
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I have been seeing a man for a few weeks and he just told me that he is divorced from his wife but still lives with her because they are raising their granddaughter together. I thought that that was pretty strange, but went along with it. Now he says he has to be home by 11:00 PM because the "ex" is complaining that he isn't helping enough with the granddaughter. Plus, he says that the "ex" can't know about us because it would be disrespectful to her. Girl, is he for real???
Case of the "Ex"Okay this is an easy one. First, the man said that he is divorced but living with his (ex)wife to raise their grandchild. Girl, that only happens in TV or the movies. No divorced couple is tryin' to live in the same house if they don't have to. So that was his first lie.
Secondly, he has to be home by 11:00 PM? Child, please. Why would his "divorced" wife demand that he should be in his crib by 11:00 PM? C'mon, you know that he's leaving your place to see some other sista.
And lastly, his ex can't know about you?? Doesn't that sound suspicious to you? The man is a liar and a wannabe player. Dump him!!!
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I recently broke up with my wife. She and I were in love (at least I can speak for myself) but the thing is I can't stand her anger, abusiveness, threats, indecisions and lack of direction. Even when I try to guide our relationship, it bounces back in my face because, according to her, I am not firm enough and I have no right to be angry when she hurts me because I am a man and should learn to stomach her femininity. Almost always, she tells me that there are many guys out there who are chasing after her and that when she leaves me they are there to swoop right in. She thinks she is doing me a favor by marrying me. My family and mutual friends who have heard about what she's done have encouraged me to leave her and move on. I am afraid she will be dating someone else despite the love we have for each other. I am at a loss. What should I do?
Trying To Come To TermsMy brotha, my brotha, my bro-tha! Do you really think that your wife loves you? Her insensitive, selfish ways shows me that she just don't give a damn! No one that loves you would say that there are "guys waiting to swoop in."
The first and only question that you have to ask yourself is, " Do I want to be with someone who repeatedly disrespects me?" I hope that your answer is a loud Hell No!!
So, my brotha, say goodbye to your immature wife and look for someone who will treat you the way that a good man deserves to be treated. Holla at me!
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I'm a university student that does pretty well for herself. Recently, I worked on a school assignment with a couple of other classmates. They ended up slacking on the project, leaving me to do the bulk of the work if I had wanted a decent grade, which I did. I've approached them, I've tried to set up meetings (they stiffed me), and I've gone as far as to threaten to notify the professor of their slacking. They called my bluff, saying that they didn't care. I didn't end up ratting on them, and we all ended up with an A, but should I say something? I think that even the professor suspects that they haven't been doing their end.
I Hate Lazy ClassmatesNot to rub salt in your wounds, but what would be the point in telling the professor now that your classmates didn't do their fair share? They already received their mark on the assignment. Don't you think that you should have said something before you handed in the project?
I know that it is difficult to rat on someone, but informing your professor about those lazy ass classmates of yours before you completed the project, would have alleviated a lot of unnecessary stress.
The next time that you work on a group assignment, make sure that everyone's responsibility is clearly identified and make sure that they stick to it. Good luck!!
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I am really, really crushing on a guy that works next door. What are some flirting tactics that I can use on him to see if he's interested? We seem to be able to get along well enough, but I haven't sensed any vibes yet.
Testing The WatersWoo hoo! Now this is a question that I like!!
Since guys are very visual, I suggest that when you see your crush, you look good. I'm not saying to get all hoochied up and wear heels and a mini. But you might want to spend a few extra minutes on yourself so that you look fabulous when you lock eyes with your crush.
The next thing that I will tell you will seal the deal, so to speak. The next time that you talk to your crush, remember to casually show him some affection. You can do this by touching his arm or shoulder. Guys love physical contact, so if this doesn't show him know that you like him, I don't know want to tell ya!!
Those are just a couple of tactics that you can use to see if he is interested in you. If you need more help, let me know! ¤ Michelle