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Dear Angry Black Grrl:
Office romances, philandering boyfriends, quitting gracefully…
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
BATTLE OF THE SEXES...
GOT A QUESTION?
ADVICE OF THE MONTH
I need your help! Recently, I have been flirting with a co-worker of mine that I find very attractive. The problem is that my boss took me aside and made some comments on the office flirtation, namely that she thought it was inappropriate and that I shouldn't pursue anything. As far as I know, there are no regulations at my company regarding things like this, but I'm afraid that if I step over the boundaries I will be reprimanded at work. What should I do? I really like this guy, and I don't want to sneak around.
Office FlirtSHE SAID: Girlfriend, you're telling me that you and the office stud are sooo crazy in love that your boss had to step in and tell y'all to chill??? Damn, what is wrong with you two??
Maybe you're right and your boss shouldn't be all up in your business, but at least try to keep the flirtation on the DL.
If you really like this guy and he feels the same way about you, then you should pursue the relationship after work hours. Read: On your own damn time!
HE SAID: Don't be stupid. Dating people at work is not advisable at the best of times, especially when your boss frowns upon it. Whether or not there is a policy against it, your boss can make your life hell. It's a big city, there are two million males who don't work with you. Stick to them!
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
Do you think it's possible to love two people at the same time?
T. H.SHE SAID: No!!!
HE SAID: Only if you are Julia Roberts and your life is a romantic comedy. Love is too hard to come by to trivialize it by saying that you love two people. You have to figure out the difference between lust/infatuation and love. Once you do, you will be able to answer your own question.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
As long as I've remembered, my older sister and I have competed for everything. Whether it was grades, boyfriends, or my parents' attention, she always needed to be in the spotlight. I wasn't so innocent either. Things have calmed down since we've grown older, but sometimes I still feel as if she's trying to compete with me, and I can't help but compete right back. Every time I've mentioned this to her, she's basically accused me of being jealous of her and brushed me off. I'm tired of this. How can I get our relationship back on track?
Sibling RivalrySHE SAID: How old are you? If you guys are grown, then y'all need to squash the competition. If your sister feels the need to compete with you, then she has other issues that she should address (low self-esteem, etc.). Healthy competition between siblings is normal when you're kids, but as adults, it's a little pathetic.
HE SAID: Competition between siblings is normal. Grow up and stop being so dramatic.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I met this guy at a club, and things seemed to go well. We exchanged numbers and went on a couple of dates. The other day, I called his cell phone and a woman answered. He said it was just a friend, but I grew suspicious. On another occasion, I found a woman's number lying on his bed, written on a bar coaster. Again, he said it was just an old friend he bumped into at a bar. The other night, a friend saw him at a club, talking with another girl. I knew he was going to the club, but all I could see was red. I dumped him that same night, but he swore that he wasn't doing anything wrong and that he'd still like to see me. Am I overreacting? Or did I do the right thing?
Hopelessly ConfusedSHE SAID: Hello. What other forms of proof do you need to see that the man is a P.I.M.P.??? You should have known that he is a wannabe playa after a female answered his celly. No man lets just anyone answer his phone.
Consider yourself lucky that you saw his doggish ways upfront. You haven't invested that much time in the relationship, so don't be too hard on yourself. I think it's time for you to find another man.
HE SAID: You did the right thing. That many "coincidences" cannot line up. Statistically you have a better chance at winning the lottery. Hold your head up high in the knowledge that you were not a typical chick by taking his shit. P.S.: Meeting people at clubs is not advisable.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I'm so tired of the dating scene. Guys need to be more upfront. Why do they give you their number, thereby signaling their interest, but never call you back?
FrustratedSHE SAID: Hey girl, I hear ya. Men love telling you that they'll call, but they never deliver.
But on the flipside, think about how many guys step to you. How many times have you given them a fake name or fake digits? Tons, right? So just because this punk takes your number does not mean that he is obligated to call you. But don't worry, you know that you are a great catch and have a lot to offer. If he doesn't call, it's his loss.
HE SAID: Men play games, so do women. We both claim to hate it. It seems we are all part of the same hypocrisy.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
My friend has been dating this guy for some time now. Everything between them seems well, but sometimes I wonder about the things that he does to show her that he "loves" her. For instance, he is very particular about the people that she may or may not hang out with, and he says this is just because he doesn't want her to hang out with the "wrong" people. If he doesn't approve of something she says, wears, or thinks, he'll make little snide and catty remarks. Whenever they fight, she tells me she will leave him and that she's had enough, but sure enough, the next day he's sending her flowers and apologizing profusely, and she goes back to him. I tried to talk to her about it, but I don't think I'm getting the point across. I'm just worried.
Concerned in CaliforniaSHE SAID: There's not that much you can do for someone if they are not willing to help themselves.
I'm sure that you are concerned for your friend, but obviously she's not emotionally ready or able to leave her man. Try to be patient and hope that she comes to her senses.
HE SAID: She's gotta learn on her own that he is no good. If you say too much to her she will cut you out, not him. If that happens then you will not be there for her when she needs you after she has dumped him. For now just suck it up and let her make her own mistakes. When she needs you, then you can be her shoulder to cry on.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
My ex-boyfriend and I ended our two-year relationship on good terms. We've remained friends ever since, but lately I've gotten the hint that he may want to get back together (because he told all my friends as much). I do love him, just not in that way anymore. How do I let him down gently?
Return of the ExSHE SAID: Your ex couldn't get enough of you, huh? I know what that's like!
However, there is no easy way around letting him down gently. Even when you tell him in the most delicate manner, he's still going to feel a little rejected. As long as you are truthful to him and yourself, you shouldn't feel bad.
HE SAID: No way to go softly into that. Exes as friends can work, but so can driving a car with your feet. Neither one is a good idea. I am afraid to say you have probably lost a good friend.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I'm sick and tired of my job and ready to quit. I've noticed some cool resignation letters going around the Internet. Do you think I should send one? I really want to.
DisgruntledSHE SAID: Before you lose your damn mind and quit your 9 to 5, you have to ask yourself a few questions:
I understand what it's like to be frustrated at work. I've worked at tons of places and let me tell you, it ain't no fun jumping from job to job.
- Why do I want to quit my job?
- Do I have another job lined up?
- Can I afford to live without a job?
If you really want to make a change in your career, start making plans to achieve your goal (go back to school, start volunteering, etc.). But if you decide to quit your job without thinking it through, make sure that it is a decision that you can live with, because once you quit, they ain't taking you back!
HE SAID: I wouldn't. You don't want to burn any bridges. You never know if you may need something from that company in the future, be it a reference or a job again. ¤ Michelle and Sunshine