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Dear Angry Black Grrl:
Bizarre love triangles, hiding from bad first dates, errant e-mails...
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
GOT A QUESTION?
ADVICE OF THE MONTH
I'm having a bit of a problem, and was wondering if you could give me a little advice. I'm with this guy, and I thought I liked him – that is, until I got with him. He's cute and all, but he is so immature and he makes everyone around us so uptight and so on edge. But here's the good part: I was previously involved in a relationship with a woman. It didn't last long, because I didn't think that she liked me, and it took breaking up with her for me to realize that I really, really love her. And I know that a lot of people will tell me that I don't know what love is…but I think I really do love her. I tried the relationship with her again, and she cheated on me. I was really hurt by that, but I'm still going back to her. I've been "messing" around with her behind my boyfriend’s back. I want to be honest with him but I don't know how to tell him without breaking his heart, or hurting him so badly to the point of humiliation. I want to be with her because I just don't think the relationship is working out between him and me. But I don't want to hurt him. And if I'm with her, I'll have to hide our relationship, but that's something I'm willing to do. Do you think you could give me some advice on what to do?
Bizarre Love TriangleDear Bizarre Love Triangle,
Girlfriend, I will be the next person to tell you that you don’t know what love is! If you did in fact love these people, would you really creep with one and lie to the next one? This shows that you do not respect these two individuals or yourself.Sista, I think that you need to remove yourself from the situation and give this crazyass love triangle a rest. Not only are you deceiving both people, but also more importantly, this charade can go on for so long! By continuing what you are doing will only prolong the inevitable (I’m sensing that a very mess break up will occur – no one likes to be repeatedly played). Girl, you don’t need all this drama in your life!
Good luck, playa!
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about two years, and we’ve gotten very comfortable in our relationship. I can picture us growing old together and visiting the grandkids on weekends. It’s all very nice. The thing is, when we’re out with friends, he can sometimes act like a jerk. He gets obnoxious and often drinks irresponsibly, leading to rude comments and lack of self-editing. This, inevitably, leads to us fighting, but by the next day, he’s apologetic and acting like his old self. I know I’m being stupid by putting up with it, but I can’t help it because the good always outweighs the bad. Do you think I’m being stupid?
I’m Pamela, He’s Tommy LeeDear Pamela,
Sorry girl, but your Tommy Lee sounds like he needs a 12-step program.Since your boyfriend drinks irresponsibly on a regular basis, it is clear to me and everyone else that he has a drinking problem. Seeing as he automatically apologizes for acting like a dumbass, he KNOWS that what he is doing is wrong.
If you want to be a part of his life, please look into getting him some help for his alcohol addiction. Hopefully, once he gets help, you will be able to focus on your relationship.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I’ve known my friend, Suzie, for almost all of my life. We grew up together in the same town, went away to college together, and have been at each other’s birthday since we were toddlers. All of our friends call us the Twins because we’ve never been apart. Now that Suzie and I have graduated from college (and from the same program, of course), we’re applying for the same positions. We’ve both been called back from a company that we’re both dying to work for, but there’s only one opening available. I’m having doubts and pangs of guilt about applying for this job because I know that if one of us gets it, the other will be resentful, and I don’t want to cause a ridge between us. What should I do?
B. I.Dear B. I.,
You said that you and Suzie are friends, right? Then why would you let a job get in the way of your friendship?You are both in the same industry, so it is obvious that you both would apply for the same jobs.
If you do not get the job, you should be happy that your b.f.f. was able to land a job. If you have been friends for so long, please do not be petty and feel resentful if she gets the job instead of you. Grow up, girl!
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I went on a blind date with my friend’s cousin, and things started off well enough. He was courteous, talkative, and went to great lengths to keep me at ease. Later at dinner, I suppose that he thought we hit it off too well, and proceeded to get very comfortable with me. He did several things to turn me off, like chewing with his mouth gaping open, trying to cuddle with me in our booth (which made me highly uncomfortable), and accidentally spilling his drink all over my lap when I tried to slide away from his groping hands. When the date finally ended, it felt like it was one of the happiest moments of my life. Two days later, he’s calling me to arrange another date. I brushed him off, but he’s relentless! He even went as far as to get his cousin (my friend) involved in all of this, and I don’t have the heart to tell him that I’m just not interested in his cousin. This guy is sending me flowers, five e-mails a day, and leaving messages on my voicemail at all hours of the day. How do I get him to back off without hurting his feelings?
Girl In HidingDear Girl In Hiding,
There ain’t no way that you could possibly let this guy down gently. After only one date he’s sending you flowers and stalker calling your phone – can’t you tell that he’s a little clingy and needy?!?No matter what you say or do, you will hurt his feelings. To soften the blow, I would tell him that he is a nice person, but you’re not ready to date yet (make up a fake bad-relationship story). If that doesn’t work, tell him that you’re gay! Kidding!
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I did something very foolish at work. I accidentally mass e-mailed a personal letter to everyone in the office. It wasn’t that bad…but I was having a bad day, and my manager was making me stay late to pick up her slack – so it did include some choice words about her. She saw the e-mail and called me into her office. I apologized profusely, as I have some major car payments to make, and she just told me that it was unacceptable, and that if it happened again she would let me go. (No one else minded the e-mail, as everyone at the office thinks she’s a major bitch as well.) Some time has passed, and my manager is still being very cold to me. I understand that she’s upset and probably hates me, but I don’t want to burn my bridges because if a promotion or raise comes up, she will surely pass me over. Should I talk to her? Write a letter? Send her flowers?
Screwed At WorkDear Screwed At Work,
Damn girl, you talked smack about your boss via e-mail and got caught by e-mailing your rants to all of your co-workers? And you wonder why your boss is being cold towards you?Yes, you apologized profusely, but you punked your boss in front of everyone! Even if it was the truth, she ain’t tryin’ to hear that. Your e-mail made it look as though she doesn’t know what she’s doing. So you either apologize again (I’m not sure that it will work – the damage is done and she can’t trust you), or you just let it be. Maybe in a few months she won’t hate you as much!
Good luck! ¤ Michelle