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Dear Angry Black Grrl:
Cheating deadbeats, getting him to commit, girl fights...
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
GOT A QUESTION?
ADVICE OF THE MONTH
I was with a woman for two years. Throughout the relationship, she repeatedly lied, cheated and stood me up. But the hard part was that every time, she apologized I gave her another chance. She now says that she’s changed and would never cheat or lie anymore. The catch is that now she’s with another guy but wants to get back with me, which in a sense, would make her a cheater all over again if she starts seeing me again without breaking up with the new guy. Should I just stay the hell away from this??? And what’s the best way to get someone out of your thoughts and your heart?
Sad GuyYo, sad guy, I think that you already know the answer to your question. Staying the hell away from your ex is the best option for you. She treated you like dirt and took advantage of your kind nature. I’m sure that you can do better.
Getting someone out of your mind is tough, especially when you really loved them. There is no specific thing that you can do to get over someone. Honestly, it takes time. The one thing that I can suggest to you is remembering the reasons why you are not with that person. Do you really want to be with someone that will continually mistreat and use you?? When you are able to understand that you do not deserve to be treated badly, you will be grateful that you are not with that person.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I think my boyfriend may be cheating. He's my first real boyfriend so I may be wrong, but lately he hasn’t been answering his phone or calling me back. When I ask him about it he says he had to leave his phone at his house for his mom to use or he fell asleep or some excuse like that. I’ve seen cheating happen a lot so I know what to watch out for. I asked him if he ever has, or would, and he didn’t get mad but he just told me he "would never do that." I mean, he doesn’t seem like the type of guy who would cheat but you really never know for sure, and lately he’s been doing this a lot more often. Well anyways what do you think I should do, or do you think I’m just trippin? Please help me out, it’s been driving me crazy.
Is He Creepin’?Girl, the one thing that I hate is when you call your man, leave a message for his ass and he never calls you back. And to top it all off, when he does call you back, he gives you some lame-ass excuse like, “I had to leave my cell at home for my mom to use.” Who leaves their house without their celly?? If he isn’t a cheater, he’s a damn liar.
The problem with your dilemma is that you don’t have any real evidence that your man is creepin’. However, sometimes it is good to go with your intuition. If you have a feeling that your man is messing around, chances are that he is. I’m not saying that he is for a fact cheating, but if he is avoiding your calls, something is definitely up. You need to talk to him and get everything out in the open. Good luck!
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over six years now, and everything is going perfectly. We are both happy in the relationship and with everything else that is going on in our lives. Well, except for one small thing. I feel that we are ready to go to the next level, that is, get married. I am truly in love with him and I know that I am ready to spend the rest of my life with him, and I think he feels the same way…I’ve tried to bring it up and hint at it, but every time the conversation veers off to marriage talk he switches the subject or assures me that we will eventually discuss it, which we never do. I know it is not a financial problem; we are both secure in our jobs and have saved up a considerable amount of money. Nor is it a commitment problem, as far as I know, since he’s always said that he is for marriage as long as he has found the “right person.” I am the right person! So my question is, should I let him have his time with it, or should I just come right out and tell him that it’s marriage or nothing?
Unblissfully UnweddedNot to kick you while you are down or anything, but did your man say that you are the right person for him? I’m not trying to be insensitive, but six years is a long time to date. Especially if marriage is not the outcome.
Maybe you should ask him if he wants to get married to you. He said that he wants to get married one day, so you know that he eventually wants to be settled down. The only reasons I think that he is avoiding your question are: 1. he might be scared of the prospect of leaving his single life; 2. he just ain’t ready for marriage; or 3. maybe he is still looking for “the right person.” My advice to you is that you sit him down and have a serious talk about where he would like to take the relationship. Girl, I know that this will be hard, but you guys definitely need to know if you want the same things.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
In my group of girlfriends, I have a friend who is the only one with child. Once in a while, we girls will get together at someone’s house for dinner, and the friend will bring her baby along. We love babies and therefore are not objecting to her bundle of joy being around, but lately it has been getting bothersome because we spend more time hearing the baby cry or smelling his dirty diapers than catching up and enjoying our pesto pasta. I understand how hard it is to have a baby and a social life, but I’m thinking that she should get her boyfriend to look after the baby so she can have one night of uninterrupted fun. And then we’ll have a night of uninterrupted fun too. But her boyfriend apparently works night shifts, and babysitting expenses are not in her budget. Do you think I’m overreacting? Am I being a bad friend for being so unsupportive?
O. G.If your friend can’t afford to hire a babysitter for the night, why don’t you and your friends pool your cash and get your friend a babysitter? That’s an easy solution, no??
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I’ve started dating this guy, and everything is going great. Unfortunately, I don’t think his friends like me very much. I’ve gone out with them a couple of times, and each time some of them have given me the cold shoulder. I couldn’t understand why – I was cordial and on my best behaviour, and I don’t think I offended anyone. My boyfriend didn’t seem to notice, so I never brought it up. Well, we went out with them the other day, and someone in the group finally told me the reason why I was getting a cold reception. It turns out that one of the girls in the group has been pining away for my boyfriend for quite some time, and she is upset that he started dating me. As an act of solidarity, some of the friends have also decided that I’m a horrible person and should let her have him. I’m not down for that, and I doubt that he has interest in her in the first place, but I would like to get this sorted out so that down the road, it won’t be a situation of him picking between his friends and me. What do you think I should do? Should I talk to my boyfriend? The girl?
Caught In An Involuntary Love TriangleI do not suggest that you talk to the girl. She might get all Brooke Valentine on you and start a "Girl Fight" (I love that song!).
I think the best thing to do is to let your boyfriend know that you feel a little uncomfortable around his friends. Telling him about the friend that has a “thing” for him might make things a little awkward, so just inform him that there is some tension between you and the rest of the group.
Suggest to him that he should talk to them and let them know that you are a part of his life and that they have to respect that. If their funky attitude persists, I say that you take off your jewelry and give them all a serious beatdown.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
About three months ago, I went out with a couple of friends and met Chuck. We ended up going back to his place for some drunken sex, but after that, I was a little horrified at myself and never returned his calls. Next thing I know, one of my friends wants me to meet her new boyfriend…and it’s Chuck. I pretended like I didn’t know him, since my friend was standing right there and I didn’t find it the appropriate time to mention how I knew him. It was very uncomfortable throughout the night, and I could see that Chuck was trying to make eye contact with me, which I rarely returned. The next day, my friend called me and said she thought that Chuck and I didn’t hit it off because I seemed very closed off towards him. I reassured her that it was nothing, and she suggested that we again go out to get things on the right foot. I don’t really want to see them together again, but I agreed because she seemed genuinely distressed that I didn’t talk to Chuck. Do you think I should come clean, or just keep my mouth shut?
Awkward SituationI completely believe in the saying “honesty is the best policy.” Just know this, sometimes people do not want to hear the truth. They'd rather live a lie than have to face reality.
Honestly, I would hate to see my friend go out like a punk, so I would have no choice but to let her know the truth about her shady boyfriend. I would rather risk the chance of her being angry with me for a few days, than have her find out the truth and totally hating me. Besides, doesn’t your friend deserve a man that won’t cheat on her? ¤ Michelle