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Dating Diary:
The diary of a new relationship...
Dear Diary,
WHERE WERE WE?
Four months ago I was a quirky singleton. Fast forward to the present, and I find myself in a relationship. Some may say that it was the age-old "it always happens when you least expect it." Some may say that I lucked out in finding someone who could look past my neurotic antics. I would say it was a combination of both, with a dash of patience, understanding, and learning to think unselfishly thrown in for good measure.So what happened? How did I (figuratively, of course - this isn't that type of column) go to sleep alone and end up waking next to someone else? Let's find out.
FOUR MONTHS AGO…
The MeetingI'm talking to a friend who is celebrating a birthday in a couple of weeks. We discuss his plans, which include a night out at a club. I push for the weekend after his birthday, while he pushes for the weekend after that. Why? Because his friend, Bee, will be out of town that weekend and it would be great if he could make it. I argue that he shouldn't have to wait to celebrate such a joyous occasion for one person, but he insists that Bee is a great guy. In fact, I should meet Bee. He's single, I'm single, blah blah blah. I've heard the spiel before. I immediately decide that I hate Bee.
The birthday weekend comes (and yes, Bee gets his way) and I show up at the club. My friend is quite the social butterfly, so there are hordes of people I know and do not know milling about. I quickly make friends with the bartender, and in an hour I'm on the dance floor, inhibitions gone. The night is blurry, but in the middle of my drunken escapades, a cute guy walks up to me and introduces himself. Later, I notice him on the dance floor. Our eyes lock. Well, as much as two drunken, out-of-focus eyes can lock. The only thing that I don't like is that he keeps bumming cigarettes from me.
The next day, I'm sitting at a bar with the birthday boy and some friends. I recognize the boy from the other night, and say hello. About an hour in, it clicks. He's Bee, the same Bee I vowed to hate. The same Bee I noticed at the club. The same Bee who is now sitting two chairs away from me. I don't get a chance to talk to him until we leave the bar, but my attempts at flirting fall flat. The only thing I that I don't like, besides being rebuffed, is that he keeps bumming cigarettes from me.
The day after that, I'm sitting at a BBQ. Bee is, again, present. I try to talk to him, but I must smell funky or something, because he doesn't stay around longer than two minutes. After a round of tequila shots, we finally start talking. A friend drives us home after the shindig is over and half the guests are passed out. I casually ask my friend for his number (as I haven't seen him in years) and in a swift (or totally obvious) move, also get Bee's number. All in all, a good night. The only thing I don't like is that he keeps bumming cigarettes from me.
THREE MONTHS AGO…
The Re-Meeting, Late Night Phone Calls, and All That JazzAlthough Bee's number is sitting on my desk, it hasn't gotten much use. I debate whether I should call him, but chicken out because I didn't feel any vibes from him. Another friend's birthday comes around, and I show up to the club. It has almost been a month since I've seen Bee, but there he is again. I greet him with a hug, which he awkwardly returns. I take that opportunity to feel him up.
Something is different about tonight. Bee actually comes up to me and engages me in conversation. Also, he has his own cigarettes, which he offers to me in a good-will gesture. And he buys me a drink, although I have to decline it as I have grown an aversion to vodka. But the vibes are still missing. I am confused. I tell my friend that I am going to do a little bar flirtation, and lean over to ask Bee if he would like a yummy beverage. At that precise moment, he turns his head away, and I turn my head as well, pretending I wasn't going to talk to him at all. My friend falls on the floor with laughter. I tell my friend that I am going to try again, but at that precise moment Bee turns to me and tells me he is leaving. Crap.
Now it's Bee's turn to do a little maneuvering. He casually says that he "forgot" to get my number "last time," so…I give him a hard time, but relent because he looks so cute and he has his own cigarettes for once.
Some time passes, and still no phone call from Bee. I decide to call him myself. We talk on the phone for hours, and it is a good conversation. Dawn breaks, and it is time for me to go to sleep. These late night phone calls go on for a while, and I wait for him to ask me to do something. But it never comes.
He mentions the jazz festival and how he would like to attend. I hint that I've never seen the festival. Nothing. I hint that I am free that weekend. Nothing. I hit him over the head with obviousness when I offer to accompany him. He says that he may go with friends that I haven't met, and leaves it at that. I am confused and put my head down on the table.
After cursing him all weekend, I talk to him and find out that he did try to call me for the festival, but I was taking one of my infamous naps at the time. That must mean something, no? But it takes a while for another invitation to come, and when it does, I am even more confused.
TWO MONTHS AGO…
First "Dates"I am not a first date type of girl. There's the anticipation, the awkwardness, the nervousness. And I've been on several first dates that were less than stellar. So when Bee asks me to see Finding Nemo with him, I stay quiet on the phone for several minutes. Fine, I'm game. But Finding Nemo is not exactly a date-ish thing to see, so I decide to put all expectations aside and just have some fun with Bee. Maybe he thinks of me as a little sister, which is better than thinking I am hideous.
I find out another couple is also planning to see the movie, on the same day, at the same theatre. Thoughts whir in my head. Did Bee invite them along? If so, then this isn't exactly a date, is it? But when I mention it to him, Bee seems to be as surprised as I am. We meet up with them and see the movie, and then head for some coffee. Bee and I make our own way, and our outing stretches well into the next day - mind you, it's all very PG.
I don't know what to make of it all. Two days later, I receive a phone call from Bee. Did I want to go for dinner? Did I ever! We meet up and have some Thai, then head to a club to meet some friends. It's all very platonic. I am convinced that Bee enjoys my company, not my body. Which isn't a bad thing, but still.
The next day, and I'm heading last-minute to another club. I accost Bee at the club and lay it on the table. "I don't understand…if you like me, why haven't you kissed me yet?" He grabs me and plants a big one on me. I am taken aback…and pleasantly surprised. Mmm.
But then it stops again. We spend a nice day at the beach, and Bee is sending me the friendship vibes. Not one to beat around the bush, I give him "the talk." Don't be repulsed by my touch! Be hot for my body! And, as it turns out…he is.
ONE MONTH AGO...
Boyfriend?!?Bee and I have tons of fun together, and before I know it, I'm in a relationship. Half of me wants to scream, "I have a boyfriend! Someone actually likes me!" and the other half wants to scream, "I have a boyfriend? When did that happen?" I am not a commitment-phobe, but I have to admit that it does scare me to be involved. I just don't want to get hurt, and when I realize that I have to take that chance, I can let go and trust someone again.
The first time Bee calls me his girlfriend, my jaw falls to the ground. I am flattered, and yet there's something holding me back from returning the favour. But Bee is my boyfriend. I just can't bring myself to say something so unfamiliar to my vocabulary.
One day I try it out. "This is my boyfriend, Bee. My boyfriend, Bee, likes meat as much as I do. Oh, Bee? That's my man, yo." And it feels right. It feels right to be saying those words. And then I know that I have let go. ¤ C.Ho.
Next month: Christine goes to relationship counseling. Kidding!