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Dear Angry Black Grrl:
Out of the closet, annoying co-workers, proverbial slips...
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
GOT A QUESTION?
ADVICE OF THE MONTH
My friend recently came out and told me he was gay. He says that I am the only person that he's told. I don't have a problem with it, but apparently he does. At school, he makes homophobic jokes with his male friends all the time, and he tells his parents that we are seeing each other so they will leave him alone. I care about him a lot and don't want to see him live a lie, and yet at times I think I am being too pushy in me wanting him to tell the truth. Should I just leave it alone?
I'm Not The Only Confused OneIt's not like your friend just told you that he shoplifted a candy bar at the age of six; he is confiding a pretty big part of his life. Perhaps his immature actions are reflecting his confused state of mind. Maybe he is acting like an idiot because he hasn't been able to accept who he is yet. I don't think making homophobic jokes are acceptable, so I would tell him to stop.
Since he is obviously nervous and scared to tell his parents about being gay, he might need some time to build up enough courage to tell them and others. He will know when the appropriate time is - so any additional pressure from you might be disastrous. Be patient, he will come around.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
My friend and I recently had a tiff. She's a very indecisive person, so when we were both in charge of planning a friend's birthday, I ended up making all the decisions. It was a very stressful situation for me, so the night of the party I told her how I felt. Okay, I blew up at her. Now, she's not talking to me and I've tried apologizing, but her feelings are very hurt. Our mutual friends agree that she's a very sensitive person and that I was justified in being upset with her because I was stuck with all the work. Despite this, I am sorry. How do I let her know that?
Hard To Say I'm SorryEven though I agree with you for yelling at your lazy friend, you should have told her that she wasn't pulling her weight way before you let your emotions get the best of you. I've organized a few parties, and I know how crazy it can be. If I were you, I would try to contact your friend again. Apologize for blowing up at her moments before the party, but let her know that she was wrong for leaving you with all the work.
To avoid a repeat performance, learn to delegate work so that everyone does their fair share.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I have a very annoying co-worker. She's annoying because she's loud, has no tact, and can't take a hint. Most of the other co-workers have ostracized her, so she spends most of her time hanging out in my cubicle, talking about her equally annoying boyfriend. I've tried to be cordial, but I fear that she's taking that as a sign that we are soulmates and now insists that we hang out after work. I would rather stick a hot poker in my eye. Tell me what to do, or I fear that one day I will punch her.
Annoyed Being ComprehensionI guess you are nicer than me. When I am annoyed with someone, trust me, they can see it all over my face!
If you can't stand making chitchat with your co-worker, tell her that you are busy or pretend to be on the phone with an important client. If she doesn't budge, let her know that the boss does not like her hanging out at your cubicle all day long (I know you sound like a snitch, but it's better than listening to her boring ass stories!)
If Ms. Thang still does not take the hint, you may need to be a little more assertive (read: RUDE) and let her know that you don't appreciate her taking up all your valuable time.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
My friend, Anna, started dating my ex-boyfriend one month ago. She initially asked me if I was okay with it, and I lied through my teeth and said I was. I don't think I'm over it yet, so it's hard for me to give her my blessing, but I know that I don't have a claim on him. I find it hard to talk to Anna without feeling angry or sad, but she expects things to be the way they were because I told her it was okay. What do I do?
H. T.See what happens when you don't tell the truth! Your ass should have told your girl that you weren't too happy with her hooking up with your ex-boo. But…on the other hand, your friend should have had enough sense to know that "your friend's ex is off limits!"
I suggest that you get over it and accept their relationship because your friend did approach you and ask for your blessing. Unfortunately you lied, and now you have to pay the price.
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I want to ask my boss for a raise (it's been too long and I've pulled in too much overtime) but he's been known to deny the most deserving of employees. How can I approach him and get what I want?
R. L.I've learned that the best way to get what you want is to be confident and focused.
Simply set a meeting with your boss so that you can discuss your job performance, and let him/her know how dedicated you are to your job. In your meeting you should state how you've contributed to the company's growth, and how committed you are in doing a good job.
Any respectable boss will listen to you and take all of that information into consideration. Hopefully you will be rewarded with a phat raise. Good luck!
Dear Angry Black Grrl,
I need your help! My friend and her live-in boyfriend were fighting, so when she asked for my advice I told her the truth: her boyfriend was an a--hole and she needed to dump him so that she could get the man that she deserves. She tearfully told me that I was right, but alas, three days later they were back together. What's worse is that, for some inexplicable reason, she told him what I said. I feel very embarrassed, and because he now hates me, I find it difficult to call her without getting the dial tone. What do you think?
OopsI know that I just said that it is better to tell the truth, but in this situation, it was best to keep your damn mouth shut! No one ever wants to hear that their boyfriend is an a--hole and totally wrong for them. Even though it might be the truth, some things are better left unsaid. (BTW, no one ever listens to you when you dis their boyfriend. I told a friend the same thing, and they ended up going out for two years!)
Why your friend told her boyfriend what you said about him is beyond me. No offense, but your girl ain't too bright.
Unfortunately her boyfriend will not forget what you said about him. (The male ego is very delicate.) You can either apologize to him and say that you were looking out for your friend and you said it in the heat of the moment. Or you might have to resort to calling your girl on her cell. I wouldn't worry too much. As long as you and your friend are still close, you need to realize that your friend is dating him, not you. ¤ Michelle